statistical-baseball
Original: statistical-baseball on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A man with glasses (the dad) speaks.
Dad: "One discovery from statistical baseball analysis is that 'on-base percentage' is more important than hitting home runs."
Panel 2: Close on the dad's face, intense.
Dad: "The implications are clear."
Panel 3: The dad continues, gesturing.
Dad: "For the 'baseball as sex metaphor,' we have to revisit our assumptions about the desirability of always trying to get to third base or home."
Panel 4: The dad, leaning forward, eyes wide.
Dad: "The most valuable sex-haver is NOT the person who has sex more often than others. It's the person who ALWAYS gets to make out."
Panel 5: Reverse angle. A young boy with red hair (the son) replies flatly.
Son: "Uh... thanks dad."
Panel 6: The boy walks away as the dad reaches out and calls after him.
Son: "So... about condoms though..."
Dad: "We're trying to WIN at sex here, not SHOW OFF."
Votey:
A scribbly cartoon face (the dad) grins widely, with a speech bubble reading: "Stats make everything better!"
Dad: "One discovery from statistical baseball analysis is that 'on-base percentage' is more important than hitting home runs."
Panel 2: Close on the dad's face, intense.
Dad: "The implications are clear."
Panel 3: The dad continues, gesturing.
Dad: "For the 'baseball as sex metaphor,' we have to revisit our assumptions about the desirability of always trying to get to third base or home."
Panel 4: The dad, leaning forward, eyes wide.
Dad: "The most valuable sex-haver is NOT the person who has sex more often than others. It's the person who ALWAYS gets to make out."
Panel 5: Reverse angle. A young boy with red hair (the son) replies flatly.
Son: "Uh... thanks dad."
Panel 6: The boy walks away as the dad reaches out and calls after him.
Son: "So... about condoms though..."
Dad: "We're trying to WIN at sex here, not SHOW OFF."
Votey:
A scribbly cartoon face (the dad) grins widely, with a speech bubble reading: "Stats make everything better!"
Alt text
A six-panel comic. A bespectacled man (the dad) earnestly lectures: 'One discovery from statistical baseball analysis is that on-base percentage is more important than hitting home runs. The implications are clear.' He goes on: 'For the baseball-as-sex metaphor, we have to revisit our assumptions about the desirability of always trying to get to third base or home. The most valuable sex-haver is NOT the person who has sex more often than others. It's the person who ALWAYS gets to make out.' A young red-haired boy responds flatly, 'Uh... thanks dad,' and starts to walk off, asking 'So... about condoms though...' The dad, gesturing intensely, snaps back: 'We're trying to WIN at sex here, not SHOW OFF.' Votey: a loosely sketched, manically grinning cartoon face declares, 'Stats make everything better!'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.