the-talk
Original: the-talk on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Girl: Son, it's time we had... THE TALK.
Son: I know all about sex, dad.
Panel 2:
Dad: Oh! You've advanced. Good. Let's have the relationship talk instead.
Panel 3:
Dad: Here goes: it is practically impossible to judge a mate at the outset of a relationship.
Panel 4:
Dad: Many of the things that attract you at first are irrelevant over the long term, especially considering the way in which the members of a couple mold each other over time, developing a shared history.
Panel 5:
Dad: So, even if you're using entirely valid criteria for selection, you may find yourself in an unhappy partnership.
Panel 6:
Dad: And there's nothing you can do about it!
Panel 7:
Dad: Meanwhile, someone might make a major life choice based on shallow metrics, like convenience or social status, and they may turn out to have a love so good it's the rival of any in history.
Panel 8:
Dad: This is a nightmare. Can we just start over and pretend you know way more about sex than me?
Son (grinning): That's what she said.
Votey:
Dad (head leaning back, exhausted/exasperated expression): Am I right?
Girl: Son, it's time we had... THE TALK.
Son: I know all about sex, dad.
Panel 2:
Dad: Oh! You've advanced. Good. Let's have the relationship talk instead.
Panel 3:
Dad: Here goes: it is practically impossible to judge a mate at the outset of a relationship.
Panel 4:
Dad: Many of the things that attract you at first are irrelevant over the long term, especially considering the way in which the members of a couple mold each other over time, developing a shared history.
Panel 5:
Dad: So, even if you're using entirely valid criteria for selection, you may find yourself in an unhappy partnership.
Panel 6:
Dad: And there's nothing you can do about it!
Panel 7:
Dad: Meanwhile, someone might make a major life choice based on shallow metrics, like convenience or social status, and they may turn out to have a love so good it's the rival of any in history.
Panel 8:
Dad: This is a nightmare. Can we just start over and pretend you know way more about sex than me?
Son (grinning): That's what she said.
Votey:
Dad (head leaning back, exhausted/exasperated expression): Am I right?
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic. A father sits across from his son to have "the talk." The son says he already knows all about sex, so the father pivots to a relationship talk instead. Across the panels the father delivers an increasingly bleak monologue: it's practically impossible to judge a mate at the start of a relationship; the traits that attract you early are irrelevant long-term, especially since couples mold each other over time; so even using valid selection criteria you may end up in an unhappy partnership, and there's nothing you can do about it; meanwhile someone who picked a partner on shallow metrics like convenience or status might end up with one of the great loves in history. Defeated, the father says, "This is a nightmare. Can we just start over and pretend you know way more about sex than me?" The grinning son replies, "That's what she said." Votey: a close-up of the father's face tilted back with an exhausted, deadpan expression, saying, "Am I right?"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.