divine-intervention
Original: divine-intervention on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Jesus (a man with long hair and a beard): I will prove to you that I am the son of God.
Panel 2:
A bearded onlooker: Behold this rock! Note that it is increasing in temperature despite being hotter than the surrounding.
Panel 3:
Jesus: A complete violation of thermodynamics!
Panel 4:
The onlooker: Naw, that's not a miracle. I'm pretty sure something rock sometimes just get hot.
Jesus: Yeah, my uncle has one of those.
Panel 5:
Jesus: But... that means energy. Brand new energy is being made right here in my hand! Like... where does it come from?
Panel 6:
The onlooker: From the rock. Sometimes rocks just get hot.
Jesus: No they don't!
Panel 7:
Jesus: I am violating the fundamental nature of reality! If this sort of thing happened normally, the entire fabric of the cosmos would unravel!
Panel 8:
The onlooker: This guy sucks. Let's get out of here.
Jesus (thinking/aside): Wait. Wait. Oh, I can, uh, okay watch this.
Panel 9 (caption): LATER...
Jesus: And then he made extra wine!
Crowd member (offscreen): Hallowed be his name.
Votey:
Jesus (speaking, looking off to the side): Maybe they'll receive me better in Rome.
Jesus (a man with long hair and a beard): I will prove to you that I am the son of God.
Panel 2:
A bearded onlooker: Behold this rock! Note that it is increasing in temperature despite being hotter than the surrounding.
Panel 3:
Jesus: A complete violation of thermodynamics!
Panel 4:
The onlooker: Naw, that's not a miracle. I'm pretty sure something rock sometimes just get hot.
Jesus: Yeah, my uncle has one of those.
Panel 5:
Jesus: But... that means energy. Brand new energy is being made right here in my hand! Like... where does it come from?
Panel 6:
The onlooker: From the rock. Sometimes rocks just get hot.
Jesus: No they don't!
Panel 7:
Jesus: I am violating the fundamental nature of reality! If this sort of thing happened normally, the entire fabric of the cosmos would unravel!
Panel 8:
The onlooker: This guy sucks. Let's get out of here.
Jesus (thinking/aside): Wait. Wait. Oh, I can, uh, okay watch this.
Panel 9 (caption): LATER...
Jesus: And then he made extra wine!
Crowd member (offscreen): Hallowed be his name.
Votey:
Jesus (speaking, looking off to the side): Maybe they'll receive me better in Rome.
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic plus a votey. A long-haired, bearded man drawn as Jesus tells a skeptical bearded onlooker, "I will prove to you that I am the son of God." The onlooker holds up a rock, declaring it is mysteriously increasing in temperature despite already being hotter than its surroundings. Jesus excitedly calls it "a complete violation of thermodynamics," but the onlooker shrugs it off: "Naw, that's not a miracle. I'm pretty sure some rock sometimes just get hot," and Jesus admits his uncle has one too. Jesus grows agitated, insisting brand-new energy is being created in his hand and that this violates the fundamental nature of reality and would unravel the cosmos. The onlooker flatly repeats, "From the rock. Sometimes rocks just get hot," and Jesus shouts "No they don't!" Unimpressed, the onlooker says "This guy sucks, let's get out of here," prompting Jesus to backpedal: "Wait. Wait. Oh, I can, uh, okay watch this." A final "LATER..." panel shows Jesus boasting "And then he made extra wine!" while a crowd intones "Hallowed be his name." The joke: an accidental hot rock is a far greater violation of physics than wine miracles, but only the crowd-pleasing party trick impresses anyone. In the votey, a hand-drawn Jesus face mutters dejectedly, "Maybe they'll receive me better in Rome."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.