human-testing
Original: human-testing on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (speaker at a podium):
Speaker: Testing on humans is considered unethical.
Panel 2:
Speaker: This is because moral standing is assigned to other creatures based on how similar they are to average human intelligence.
Panel 3:
Speaker: Medical science would benefit from discoveries via human research, but it is wrong for us to experiment on our own kind.
Panel 4 (speaker beside a drawing of a quantum brain):
Speaker: So we created a quantum ultra-brain.
Panel 5:
Speaker: It is as far above us as we are above ants.
Panel 6:
Speaker: To it, human suffering is meaningless. So when it does randomized trials on us, it doesn't consider itself to be doing anything unethical.
Panel 7:
Speaker: The ultra-brain is so complex that we can't even conceptualize it. Thus, we must consider it to be a force of nature. And thus, when it kills a bad thing has happened. But it is no more 'unethical' than an earthquake or a tornado.
Panel 8:
Speaker: And so we can get the vast data that would come with human testing without concerning ourselves about violating our moral principles.
Panel 9 (audience member raising a hand):
Audience member: What sort of questions does the ultra-mind ask?
Panel 10:
Speaker: Yeah... that's the one problem.
Votey:
Label: Elsewhere.
A figure: I wonder which humans sough best.
A speech bubble above a sphere with three axis arrows: n = (all of them)
Speaker: Testing on humans is considered unethical.
Panel 2:
Speaker: This is because moral standing is assigned to other creatures based on how similar they are to average human intelligence.
Panel 3:
Speaker: Medical science would benefit from discoveries via human research, but it is wrong for us to experiment on our own kind.
Panel 4 (speaker beside a drawing of a quantum brain):
Speaker: So we created a quantum ultra-brain.
Panel 5:
Speaker: It is as far above us as we are above ants.
Panel 6:
Speaker: To it, human suffering is meaningless. So when it does randomized trials on us, it doesn't consider itself to be doing anything unethical.
Panel 7:
Speaker: The ultra-brain is so complex that we can't even conceptualize it. Thus, we must consider it to be a force of nature. And thus, when it kills a bad thing has happened. But it is no more 'unethical' than an earthquake or a tornado.
Panel 8:
Speaker: And so we can get the vast data that would come with human testing without concerning ourselves about violating our moral principles.
Panel 9 (audience member raising a hand):
Audience member: What sort of questions does the ultra-mind ask?
Panel 10:
Speaker: Yeah... that's the one problem.
Votey:
Label: Elsewhere.
A figure: I wonder which humans sough best.
A speech bubble above a sphere with three axis arrows: n = (all of them)
Alt text
A ten-panel SMBC comic. A bald man in a suit lectures at a podium. He explains that testing on humans is considered unethical because moral standing is assigned to creatures based on how similar they are to average human intelligence. Medical science would benefit from human research, but it's wrong to experiment on our own kind. So, he says, 'we created a quantum ultra-brain' (shown as a small sphere diagram on an easel) that is as far above us as we are above ants. To the ultra-brain, human suffering is meaningless, so when it runs randomized trials on humans it doesn't consider itself to be doing anything unethical. Because the brain is too complex to conceptualize, they treat it as a force of nature, like an earthquake or tornado, so its killings are not 'unethical.' This lets them gather human-testing data without violating their moral principles. An audience member asks, 'What sort of questions does the ultra-mind ask?' The speaker admits, 'Yeah... that's the one problem.' Votey panel, labeled 'Elsewhere': a hand-drawn sphere with three axis arrows and a speech bubble reading 'n = (all of them),' while a caption muses 'I wonder which humans sough best' — implying the ultra-brain's research question is which humans to test, with a sample size of everyone.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.