an-empirical-christmas
Original: an-empirical-christmas on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman in a lab coat (the experimenter): "We are conducting an experiment to see if joy comes from receiving a present, or if 'it's the thought that counts.'"
Panel 2:
Experimenter: "To that end, we've given each of you a gift. One is a new video game, and one is a 'placebo gift.'" (Two children sit in front of a decorated Christmas tree.)
Panel 3:
Experimenter: "After receipt of said gifts, your pupil dilation and heart rate will be monitored at regular intervals."
Panel 4:
Experimenter: "Now then—" — then, in a separate aside, quietly: "This is a lie designed to cut the cost of Christmas in half."
Panel 5:
(The experimenter glances aside. A second, alarmed-looking woman appears at the edge of the panel.)
Panel 6:
Experimenter: "Today, 50% attrition among test subjects." (She holds an electric shaver/razor near her mouth.)
Votey:
The experimenter, looking startled with wide eyes and a shaver held up to her face:
"Note to self. Stop talking into shaver."
Woman in a lab coat (the experimenter): "We are conducting an experiment to see if joy comes from receiving a present, or if 'it's the thought that counts.'"
Panel 2:
Experimenter: "To that end, we've given each of you a gift. One is a new video game, and one is a 'placebo gift.'" (Two children sit in front of a decorated Christmas tree.)
Panel 3:
Experimenter: "After receipt of said gifts, your pupil dilation and heart rate will be monitored at regular intervals."
Panel 4:
Experimenter: "Now then—" — then, in a separate aside, quietly: "This is a lie designed to cut the cost of Christmas in half."
Panel 5:
(The experimenter glances aside. A second, alarmed-looking woman appears at the edge of the panel.)
Panel 6:
Experimenter: "Today, 50% attrition among test subjects." (She holds an electric shaver/razor near her mouth.)
Votey:
The experimenter, looking startled with wide eyes and a shaver held up to her face:
"Note to self. Stop talking into shaver."
Alt text
A six-panel comic. A woman in a lab coat addresses test subjects: she explains they are running an experiment to see whether joy comes from receiving a present or from 'the thought that counts.' She says each subject has been given a gift—one a new video game, one a 'placebo gift'—while two children sit by a Christmas tree. She adds that their pupil dilation and heart rate will be monitored at regular intervals. She begins 'Now then—' and then, in a quiet aside, admits: 'This is a lie designed to cut the cost of Christmas in half.' She glances sideways as an alarmed second woman appears. In the final panel she says, 'Today, 50% attrition among test subjects,' while holding an electric shaver up near her mouth. Votey (aftercomic): a close-up of the same woman looking startled, the shaver held to her face, with a thought: 'Note to self. Stop talking into shaver.' The joke: she has been narrating her secret confession into what she mistook for a recording device but is actually her shaver, and the punchlines were heard by everyone.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.