non-judgmental-parenting
Original: non-judgmental-parenting on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A woman with brown hair speaks.
Woman: We don't believe in corporal punishment for children, and we don't believe in verbal reprimands, or saying "no."
Panel 2: The woman continues.
Woman: In order to keep our child safe without worrying that we're bad parents, we have created a series of pneumatic air pumps.
Panel 3: A caption over an image of a child being blasted by a stream of air from a large pipe/nozzle.
Caption: If the child gets too close to an off-limits location, we re-direct her with winds of up to 90 kilometers per hour.
Panel 4: A caption over the child being blown back by a blast of air.
Caption: If the child attempts to grasp a sharp object, it is blown away before she can grip it.
Panel 5: A caption over the child being engulfed in a swirling vortex with a large "SHUUUU!" sound effect.
Caption: And if the child says a naughty word, three fans spin her in a varkess vortex.
Sound effect: SHUUUU!
Panel 6: The woman speaks again.
Woman: This way the child will never get into trouble, but will also have a confused understanding of how the world works outside her house.
Panel 7: A man with dark hair responds.
Man: You worry that we will give our child a confused understanding of how the world works outside her house?
Woman: ...
Man: Activate tube 47.
Votey: A close-up line drawing of a tube/pipe nozzle aimed diagonally, with air or a small object (labeled with a small word) being expelled from its opening.
Woman: We don't believe in corporal punishment for children, and we don't believe in verbal reprimands, or saying "no."
Panel 2: The woman continues.
Woman: In order to keep our child safe without worrying that we're bad parents, we have created a series of pneumatic air pumps.
Panel 3: A caption over an image of a child being blasted by a stream of air from a large pipe/nozzle.
Caption: If the child gets too close to an off-limits location, we re-direct her with winds of up to 90 kilometers per hour.
Panel 4: A caption over the child being blown back by a blast of air.
Caption: If the child attempts to grasp a sharp object, it is blown away before she can grip it.
Panel 5: A caption over the child being engulfed in a swirling vortex with a large "SHUUUU!" sound effect.
Caption: And if the child says a naughty word, three fans spin her in a varkess vortex.
Sound effect: SHUUUU!
Panel 6: The woman speaks again.
Woman: This way the child will never get into trouble, but will also have a confused understanding of how the world works outside her house.
Panel 7: A man with dark hair responds.
Man: You worry that we will give our child a confused understanding of how the world works outside her house?
Woman: ...
Man: Activate tube 47.
Votey: A close-up line drawing of a tube/pipe nozzle aimed diagonally, with air or a small object (labeled with a small word) being expelled from its opening.
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. In the first two panels, a brown-haired woman explains that she and her partner don't believe in corporal punishment, verbal reprimands, or saying "no" to their child, so to keep the child safe without feeling like bad parents they built a series of pneumatic air pumps. The next three panels show a small child being controlled by powerful blasts of air: redirected away from off-limits locations with 90 km/h winds, having a sharp object blown out of reach before she can grasp it, and being spun in a swirling "SHUUUU!" vortex by three fans when she says a naughty word. In the sixth panel the woman admits the child will never get into trouble but will have a confused understanding of how the world works outside the house. In the final panel a dark-haired man incredulously repeats her worry about giving the child a confused understanding of the outside world, then deadpans "Activate tube 47" to blast her too. Votey (bonus panel): a simple close-up line drawing of the air tube's nozzle pointed diagonally, expelling air toward the viewer.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.