trading
Original: trading on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Narration: Historically, if you have more price information than someone else you can make a profit.
A man on a rocky shore (the trader): Deal!
Thought/aside: Sucker! I sell high rocks for two rocks. Hehe, he never gave over.
The other man (with long hair/beard): Give me five rocks for one meat.
Panel 2:
Narration: Over time, traders became sophisticated.
A trader: When the ship nears harbor, use the flag system to signal my agent on the dock.
The other man: We shall corner the silk neckerchief market!
Panel 3:
Narration: Once the computer was developed a new form of competition began.
A man: We're laying fiber optic cable in a straight line from New York to Chicago so traders have to lose it by one or be 13 milliseconds behind the competition.
Narration (lower): And people say American can't build big things anyhoozles!
Panel 4:
Narration: In a sense, this is insider trading, in that only certain people can afford the speed.
A woman: It is just unfair! Any mom and pop hedge fund operation can buy their own bandwidth on a secret short-term communication monopoly!
Panel 5:
Narration: Economists proposed rules to fix the problem.
A woman: How about making every transaction take a full ten seconds?
A man: So I guess you don't want regular folks to enjoy femtosecond-accurate pricing data?
Panel 6:
Narration: When that failed, we took a new course.
A woman: Instead of fixing the problem, we harness it!
Narration (lower): Stock trades may only be transmitted using room-temperature superconductors.
Panel 7:
Narration: Once a new tech was solved, the rules changed.
A man: How about we trade via hypersonic passenger jets?
Narration (lower): Only customers made via fusion reactors may be used for stock-data transmission.
Panel 8:
Narration: By the time trading firms realized how far we'd up it, it was too late.
A man (distressed): Oh god, we've moved to a post-scarcity society! I just lose money to buy status any more!
Narration (lower): Fortunately, the problem worked itself out.
A hand emerging from a futuristic device: Give me status, plebeians!
Votey:
Large handwritten text in a panel: WHY CAN'T WE DO THIS?!
Narration: Historically, if you have more price information than someone else you can make a profit.
A man on a rocky shore (the trader): Deal!
Thought/aside: Sucker! I sell high rocks for two rocks. Hehe, he never gave over.
The other man (with long hair/beard): Give me five rocks for one meat.
Panel 2:
Narration: Over time, traders became sophisticated.
A trader: When the ship nears harbor, use the flag system to signal my agent on the dock.
The other man: We shall corner the silk neckerchief market!
Panel 3:
Narration: Once the computer was developed a new form of competition began.
A man: We're laying fiber optic cable in a straight line from New York to Chicago so traders have to lose it by one or be 13 milliseconds behind the competition.
Narration (lower): And people say American can't build big things anyhoozles!
Panel 4:
Narration: In a sense, this is insider trading, in that only certain people can afford the speed.
A woman: It is just unfair! Any mom and pop hedge fund operation can buy their own bandwidth on a secret short-term communication monopoly!
Panel 5:
Narration: Economists proposed rules to fix the problem.
A woman: How about making every transaction take a full ten seconds?
A man: So I guess you don't want regular folks to enjoy femtosecond-accurate pricing data?
Panel 6:
Narration: When that failed, we took a new course.
A woman: Instead of fixing the problem, we harness it!
Narration (lower): Stock trades may only be transmitted using room-temperature superconductors.
Panel 7:
Narration: Once a new tech was solved, the rules changed.
A man: How about we trade via hypersonic passenger jets?
Narration (lower): Only customers made via fusion reactors may be used for stock-data transmission.
Panel 8:
Narration: By the time trading firms realized how far we'd up it, it was too late.
A man (distressed): Oh god, we've moved to a post-scarcity society! I just lose money to buy status any more!
Narration (lower): Fortunately, the problem worked itself out.
A hand emerging from a futuristic device: Give me status, plebeians!
Votey:
Large handwritten text in a panel: WHY CAN'T WE DO THIS?!
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic narrating a sarcastic history of competitive trading and high-frequency-trading arms races. Panel 1: two ancient men on a rocky shore barter rocks for meat, one secretly congratulating himself for cheating; caption: historically, having more price information lets you profit. Panel 2: traders signal a dock agent with flags as a ship nears harbor, plotting to corner the silk-neckerchief market; caption: over time traders became sophisticated. Panel 3: a man boasts about laying straight fiber-optic cable from New York to Chicago to gain millisecond advantages, with a snarky caption about Americans building big things. Panel 4: a woman complains that only the wealthy can afford this speed, calling it a secret short-term communication monopoly and a form of insider trading. Panel 5: an economist woman proposes making every transaction take ten full seconds; a man objects that this denies regular folks femtosecond-accurate pricing. Panel 6: instead of fixing it they 'harness' the problem by requiring trades be transmitted via room-temperature superconductors. Panel 7: escalation continues with proposals to trade via hypersonic jets and fusion reactors. Panel 8: a distraught man realizes the escalating requirements accidentally produced a post-scarcity society where he can no longer lose money to buy status; a hand reaches out of a futuristic machine demanding 'Give me status, plebeians!' The votey panel is a hand-drawn sign reading in big block letters: 'WHY CAN'T WE DO THIS?!'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.