dream-control
Original: dream-control on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption): WE CREATED A MACHINE TO CONTROL OUR DREAMS.
Mother (in bed): MAMA. SEX WITH EVERY CHARACTER FROM STAR WARS AT THE SAME TIME. HSGGOOOOO WOOGIES HR-R-R-R
Panel 2 (caption): THE PASSAGE OF TIME IS A MATTER OF PERCEPTION. AND WE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THAT.
Sleeper: SEE YOU IN 100,000 YEARS.
Panel 3 (caption): REAL LIFE WAS SO MUCH EASIER TO HANDLE. IT WAS A FEW HOURS' PURGATORY BETWEEN 10,000 DREAM LIVES.
Woman: DAVE, I NEED YOU TO MANUALLY CHANGE 5,000 FILE NAMES.
Dave: SURE. IT'S NICE TO GET A BREAK FROM RULING THE MULTIVERSE.
Panel 4 (caption): IN TIME, THE ENTIRE GOAL OF WAKEFUL LIFE BECAME THE MAINTENANCE OF THE LORD DREAM.
Man (gesturing): LISTEN! I KNOW NONE OF US CARE ABOUT ANY OF THIS, BUT IF WE DON'T STOP WORK, WE STOP DREAMING!
Woman: I'LL DO IT ANYTIME!
Other woman: ME TOO!
Panel 5 (caption): ALL EVOLUTION-HONED BEHAVIORS WERE CONTINUED, BUT ONLY AS A BUTTRESS TO WHAT WAS NOW THE MAJORITY OF HUMAN EXPERIENCE.
Man: HEY WE'S MARRIED A MILLION PERCEPTUAL YEARS AGO WE JUST HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX
Woman: WHAT?
Man: WITH JUST EACH OTHER? A 'TWOSOME' IF YOU WILL?
Woman: YEAH THAT'D BE WEIRD
Panel 6 (caption): A THEOLOGY OF THE REAL DEVELOPED.
Man: THE TIME IS A PUNISHMENT? IT IS A HIDEOUS AFTERLIFE? YOU ASK FOR PROOF? LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THIS MOMENT! DID YOU EVER CHOOSE TO LISTEN TO HATE RELIGIOUS LECTURES DURING YOUR TRILLIONS OF DREAM YEARS?
Panel 7 (caption): AS THE THEOLOGY WAS ACCEPTED, IT BECAME MORE BRAZEN.
Preacher: THIS IS THE DREAM WORLD! THE 'DREAM WORLD' IS REAL!
Listener: YES! BUT KEEP DONATING.
Another: SO I CAN QUIT MY JOB?
Panel 8 (caption): A DANGEROUS FORM OF CHAUVINISM AROSE.
Man (holding mug): SURE, I'M THIRSTY. BUT 'REAL WORLD' WATER IS GROSS LOOK. THERE'S BARELY ANY FRESH LAVENDER IN HERE.
Panel 9 (caption): AND BEFORE THE MISTAKE WAS DISCOVERED, I WAS THE ONLY ONE LEFT.
Narrator: EVERYONE'S DEAD. THIS IS NOTHING LIKE THE SEXY APOCALYPSE WORLDS I'M USED TO.
Panels 10-12: A figure (the last person, with bobbed hair) sits alone in the dark, shown in successive panels growing smaller / more isolated, finally a tiny lit figure in a black void.
Votey:
A bearded man giving a thumbs up, with a speech bubble: CARTOONING IS A RESPECTABLE JOB.
Mother (in bed): MAMA. SEX WITH EVERY CHARACTER FROM STAR WARS AT THE SAME TIME. HSGGOOOOO WOOGIES HR-R-R-R
Panel 2 (caption): THE PASSAGE OF TIME IS A MATTER OF PERCEPTION. AND WE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THAT.
Sleeper: SEE YOU IN 100,000 YEARS.
Panel 3 (caption): REAL LIFE WAS SO MUCH EASIER TO HANDLE. IT WAS A FEW HOURS' PURGATORY BETWEEN 10,000 DREAM LIVES.
Woman: DAVE, I NEED YOU TO MANUALLY CHANGE 5,000 FILE NAMES.
Dave: SURE. IT'S NICE TO GET A BREAK FROM RULING THE MULTIVERSE.
Panel 4 (caption): IN TIME, THE ENTIRE GOAL OF WAKEFUL LIFE BECAME THE MAINTENANCE OF THE LORD DREAM.
Man (gesturing): LISTEN! I KNOW NONE OF US CARE ABOUT ANY OF THIS, BUT IF WE DON'T STOP WORK, WE STOP DREAMING!
Woman: I'LL DO IT ANYTIME!
Other woman: ME TOO!
Panel 5 (caption): ALL EVOLUTION-HONED BEHAVIORS WERE CONTINUED, BUT ONLY AS A BUTTRESS TO WHAT WAS NOW THE MAJORITY OF HUMAN EXPERIENCE.
Man: HEY WE'S MARRIED A MILLION PERCEPTUAL YEARS AGO WE JUST HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX
Woman: WHAT?
Man: WITH JUST EACH OTHER? A 'TWOSOME' IF YOU WILL?
Woman: YEAH THAT'D BE WEIRD
Panel 6 (caption): A THEOLOGY OF THE REAL DEVELOPED.
Man: THE TIME IS A PUNISHMENT? IT IS A HIDEOUS AFTERLIFE? YOU ASK FOR PROOF? LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THIS MOMENT! DID YOU EVER CHOOSE TO LISTEN TO HATE RELIGIOUS LECTURES DURING YOUR TRILLIONS OF DREAM YEARS?
Panel 7 (caption): AS THE THEOLOGY WAS ACCEPTED, IT BECAME MORE BRAZEN.
Preacher: THIS IS THE DREAM WORLD! THE 'DREAM WORLD' IS REAL!
Listener: YES! BUT KEEP DONATING.
Another: SO I CAN QUIT MY JOB?
Panel 8 (caption): A DANGEROUS FORM OF CHAUVINISM AROSE.
Man (holding mug): SURE, I'M THIRSTY. BUT 'REAL WORLD' WATER IS GROSS LOOK. THERE'S BARELY ANY FRESH LAVENDER IN HERE.
Panel 9 (caption): AND BEFORE THE MISTAKE WAS DISCOVERED, I WAS THE ONLY ONE LEFT.
Narrator: EVERYONE'S DEAD. THIS IS NOTHING LIKE THE SEXY APOCALYPSE WORLDS I'M USED TO.
Panels 10-12: A figure (the last person, with bobbed hair) sits alone in the dark, shown in successive panels growing smaller / more isolated, finally a tiny lit figure in a black void.
Votey:
A bearded man giving a thumbs up, with a speech bubble: CARTOONING IS A RESPECTABLE JOB.
Alt text
A tall multi-panel SMBC comic narrating a far-future story in captions. Caption: humanity created a machine to control dreams; a woman in bed mumbles about sex with every Star Wars character at once. Because time perception could be manipulated, sleepers spent vast spans dreaming (a sleeper says "See you in 100,000 years") while real life became a brief purgatory between 10,000 dream lives. Waking work existed only to maintain the dream system; people eagerly volunteer to keep the machine running so dreaming never stops. Real-life evolutionary behaviors continued only as a buttress: a man awkwardly suggests to a woman that, despite being married a million perceptual years ago, they have unprotected sex with just each other, a "twosome," which she finds weird. A theology of the real develops: a man preaches that waking reality is a hideous afterlife and punishment. As it grows more brazen, a preacher declares the dream world is the real world while followers keep donating and ask if they can quit their jobs. A chauvinism arises: a man complains that real-world water tastes gross because it lacks fresh lavender, unlike dream water. Finally, before the fatal mistake is discovered, the narrator becomes the only person left alive: "Everyone's dead. This is nothing like the sexy apocalypse worlds I'm used to." The last three panels show a lone bob-haired figure sitting in growing darkness, ending as a tiny lit figure in a black void. Votey: a bearded man gives a thumbs up with a speech bubble reading "Cartooning is a respectable job."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.