utilitarian-judgment
Original: utilitarian-judgment on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman (in bed): The natural outcome of utilitarian ethics is that we should be as judgmental of other people as possible.
Man (in bed): How do you figure?
Panel 2:
Woman: When you judge other people in your mind you feel better, but they don't feel worse.
Panel 3:
Woman: Thus, additional silent judgment is always a net positive to total happiness.
Panel 4:
Woman: Therefore, any proper utilitarian agent should favor deep-seated loathing of other people's tastes and habits, hidden beneath an opaque cloak of civility.
Man: I dunno. What sort of people would want to live in such a system?
Panel 5:
Woman: Did you know that utilitarianism was invented in Britain?
Man: Whooooaa...
Votey:
Large text: BOOM!
(A grinning bearded man's face appears against a red background.)
Woman (in bed): The natural outcome of utilitarian ethics is that we should be as judgmental of other people as possible.
Man (in bed): How do you figure?
Panel 2:
Woman: When you judge other people in your mind you feel better, but they don't feel worse.
Panel 3:
Woman: Thus, additional silent judgment is always a net positive to total happiness.
Panel 4:
Woman: Therefore, any proper utilitarian agent should favor deep-seated loathing of other people's tastes and habits, hidden beneath an opaque cloak of civility.
Man: I dunno. What sort of people would want to live in such a system?
Panel 5:
Woman: Did you know that utilitarianism was invented in Britain?
Man: Whooooaa...
Votey:
Large text: BOOM!
(A grinning bearded man's face appears against a red background.)
Alt text
A five-panel comic. A woman and man lie in bed talking. The woman argues: the natural outcome of utilitarian ethics is to be as judgmental of other people as possible. The man asks how. She explains that silently judging others makes you feel better without making them feel worse, so additional silent judgment is always a net positive to total happiness. Therefore a proper utilitarian should harbor deep-seated loathing of others' tastes and habits hidden beneath an opaque cloak of civility. The man asks what sort of people would want to live in such a system. The woman replies, 'Did you know that utilitarianism was invented in Britain?' and the man goes 'Whooooaa...' as if it all clicks into place. Votey: a grinning bearded man's face against a bright red background with the word 'BOOM!' above, delivering the punchline reveal.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.