sports
Original: sports on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A man and woman are in bed together. The man, with reddish flame-like hair, lies on his back looking anxious; the woman lies beside him.
Man (thinking/narrating): OH GOD YES, YOU HAVE TO LAST LONGER THAN 30 SECONDS! THINK ABOUT... BOXING!
Panel 2: Close-up of the man's strained face.
Man: CRAP CRAP CRAP! SHE'S SO HOT! THINK OF SOMETHING MORE BORING! BASEBALL! BASEBALL!
Panel 3: The woman looks down with concern; the man's hair is shown.
Man: IT'S NOT WORKING! MORE BORING! SOCCER! SOCCER!
Panel 4: The man, sweating, face contorted.
Man: DAMMIT! GOLF! OH GOD, GOLF!
Panel 5: The man, eyes wide in panic.
Man: CURLING! CROQUET! NASCAR! AAAH! NOOO!
Panel 6: The man collapses, defeated/exhausted, while the woman looks at him.
Man: SENIOR LEAGUE BOWLING! SENIOR LEAGUE BOWLING!
Votey: A handwritten note in cursive script.
Text: "I would like to apologize to all senior league bowlers, but I won't because light reading might overstimulate them. xZach"
Man (thinking/narrating): OH GOD YES, YOU HAVE TO LAST LONGER THAN 30 SECONDS! THINK ABOUT... BOXING!
Panel 2: Close-up of the man's strained face.
Man: CRAP CRAP CRAP! SHE'S SO HOT! THINK OF SOMETHING MORE BORING! BASEBALL! BASEBALL!
Panel 3: The woman looks down with concern; the man's hair is shown.
Man: IT'S NOT WORKING! MORE BORING! SOCCER! SOCCER!
Panel 4: The man, sweating, face contorted.
Man: DAMMIT! GOLF! OH GOD, GOLF!
Panel 5: The man, eyes wide in panic.
Man: CURLING! CROQUET! NASCAR! AAAH! NOOO!
Panel 6: The man collapses, defeated/exhausted, while the woman looks at him.
Man: SENIOR LEAGUE BOWLING! SENIOR LEAGUE BOWLING!
Votey: A handwritten note in cursive script.
Text: "I would like to apologize to all senior league bowlers, but I won't because light reading might overstimulate them. xZach"
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. A man with flame-like reddish hair lies in bed with a woman, trying desperately to delay climax by thinking of progressively more boring sports. Panel 1: he panics, telling himself he must last longer than 30 seconds: 'THINK ABOUT... BOXING!' Panel 2, close on his strained face: 'CRAP CRAP CRAP! SHE'S SO HOT! THINK OF SOMETHING MORE BORING! BASEBALL! BASEBALL!' Panel 3: 'IT'S NOT WORKING! MORE BORING! SOCCER! SOCCER!' Panel 4, sweating: 'DAMMIT! GOLF! OH GOD, GOLF!' Panel 5, eyes wide in panic: 'CURLING! CROQUET! NASCAR! AAAH! NOOO!' Panel 6, he collapses defeated: 'SENIOR LEAGUE BOWLING! SENIOR LEAGUE BOWLING!' The joke: even the dullest sport he can think of fails to be unsexy enough. Votey: a handwritten cursive note reads, 'I would like to apologize to all senior league bowlers, but I won't because light reading might overstimulate them. xZach'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.