supernatural-selection
Original: supernatural-selection on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Child: Mom, do all of God's creatures go to heaven?
Mom: Of course! But there are some serious implications here.
Panel 2:
Mom: Some of God's creatures produce a small number of offspring, then spend resources caring for them. These are called "K strategists."
Panel 3:
Mom: Other of God's creatures spend their resources creating millions of offspring, with a few making it to adulthood. These are called "r strategists."
Panel 4:
Mom: Both strategies are viable on Earth, depending on context. But if they all go to heaven, the r strategist is clearly superior.
Panel 5:
Mom: If all creatures are immortal, by now, heaven is pretty much entirely r strategists.
Panel 6:
Child: So according to your story, while we're hanging in the lobby of God, were creatures of the gills with parasites?
Mom: Okay, fine, I had being here only mammals go to heaven.
Panel 7:
Child: Great! So we've got an abdomen, so we're all in contrast gastrointestinal detritus because we can't digest food properly!
Panel 8:
Mom: Are you familiar with the concept of the immortal soul?
Child: Oh, that is so ad hoc!
Votey:
A close-up of the child's face, scowling.
Child: YOU FILTHY MAMMAL!
Child: Mom, do all of God's creatures go to heaven?
Mom: Of course! But there are some serious implications here.
Panel 2:
Mom: Some of God's creatures produce a small number of offspring, then spend resources caring for them. These are called "K strategists."
Panel 3:
Mom: Other of God's creatures spend their resources creating millions of offspring, with a few making it to adulthood. These are called "r strategists."
Panel 4:
Mom: Both strategies are viable on Earth, depending on context. But if they all go to heaven, the r strategist is clearly superior.
Panel 5:
Mom: If all creatures are immortal, by now, heaven is pretty much entirely r strategists.
Panel 6:
Child: So according to your story, while we're hanging in the lobby of God, were creatures of the gills with parasites?
Mom: Okay, fine, I had being here only mammals go to heaven.
Panel 7:
Child: Great! So we've got an abdomen, so we're all in contrast gastrointestinal detritus because we can't digest food properly!
Panel 8:
Mom: Are you familiar with the concept of the immortal soul?
Child: Oh, that is so ad hoc!
Votey:
A close-up of the child's face, scowling.
Child: YOU FILTHY MAMMAL!
Alt text
An eight-panel comic. A child asks their mother if all of God's creatures go to heaven; mom says yes but warns there are serious implications. She explains evolutionary reproductive strategies: "K strategists" produce few offspring and invest heavily in them, while "r strategists" make millions of offspring of which only a few survive. Both work on Earth, mom says, but if all creatures are immortal and go to heaven, the r strategist's strategy is clearly superior and by now heaven would be almost entirely r strategists swarming in vast numbers. The child keeps pushing the logic to absurd conclusions about which creatures crowd heaven, and mom keeps narrowing the rules ("only mammals go to heaven"). Finally cornered, mom retreats to invoking "the concept of the immortal soul," and the child gleefully calls out, "Oh, that is so ad hoc!" Votey: a black-and-white close-up of the child's face, scowling fiercely with one eye narrowed, shouting "YOU FILTHY MAMMAL!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.