the-human-war
Original: the-human-war on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man: Why do you start war with every human planet at once?
Green alien: Remember the first human-opterian war?
Panel 2:
Man: We won.
Green alien: Yes. You won because human are individually unpredictable.
Panel 3:
Green alien: It's what makes us special.
Man: Sure.
Panel 4:
Green alien: But while humans are unique individually in large groups they become predictable.
Panel 5:
Green alien: The larger the group the more predictable the behavior becomes.
Panel 6:
Green alien: So we got all humans to fight us at once. Their numbers became predictable. Thus, their only advantage was neutralized.
Panel 7:
Green alien: We are currently manipulating the entire human fleet. After that, all human planets will be terraformed for opterians.
Panel 8:
Man: So... why did you save me?
Panel 9:
Green alien: Humans are uniquely unpredictable when raised away from their uses.
Panel 10 (caption: LATER...):
Man (to a small green alien creature in a tank/box on a wheeled cart): Hey did you bring back that random number generator?
Votey:
Man (speech balloon): Make sure to poke holes in its jar.
(Below: a close-up of the small green alien creature's face with a wide-open round mouth, looking distressed.)
Man: Why do you start war with every human planet at once?
Green alien: Remember the first human-opterian war?
Panel 2:
Man: We won.
Green alien: Yes. You won because human are individually unpredictable.
Panel 3:
Green alien: It's what makes us special.
Man: Sure.
Panel 4:
Green alien: But while humans are unique individually in large groups they become predictable.
Panel 5:
Green alien: The larger the group the more predictable the behavior becomes.
Panel 6:
Green alien: So we got all humans to fight us at once. Their numbers became predictable. Thus, their only advantage was neutralized.
Panel 7:
Green alien: We are currently manipulating the entire human fleet. After that, all human planets will be terraformed for opterians.
Panel 8:
Man: So... why did you save me?
Panel 9:
Green alien: Humans are uniquely unpredictable when raised away from their uses.
Panel 10 (caption: LATER...):
Man (to a small green alien creature in a tank/box on a wheeled cart): Hey did you bring back that random number generator?
Votey:
Man (speech balloon): Make sure to poke holes in its jar.
(Below: a close-up of the small green alien creature's face with a wide-open round mouth, looking distressed.)
Alt text
A ten-panel SMBC comic. A blond man talks with a large-eyed green alien (an 'opterian'). The man asks why the aliens attacked every human planet at once. The alien recalls the first human-opterian war, which humans won because individual humans are unpredictable. But, the alien explains, in large groups humans become predictable, and the larger the group the more predictable the behavior. So the aliens lured all humans to fight at once, making their numbers predictable and neutralizing their only advantage. The alien reveals they are now manipulating the entire human fleet and will terraform all human planets for opterians. The man asks why he was spared. The alien answers: humans are uniquely unpredictable when raised away from their uses. In the final panel, captioned 'LATER...', the man speaks to a small captive green alien creature kept in a tank on a wheeled cart, asking 'Hey did you bring back that random number generator?' Votey aftercomic: the man (in a speech balloon) says 'Make sure to poke holes in its jar,' shown above a close-up of the small green alien creature's face with a wide-open round mouth, looking alarmed at being kept as a pet/tool.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.