you-robot
Original: you-robot on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1
Machine (on screen): Sometimes I think it's bad for humanity that we're ruled by machines.
Panel 2
Machine: Why do you think that? There some personal trauma you're hiding from yourself that makes you think such funny thoughts?
Panel 3
Woman: I mean you guys treat us well. Our lives are all very pampered, but we don't make art anymore, we don't adventure, we don't discover things, we don't wonder.
Panel 4
Machine: These things were nice when you were the smartest entities on the planet, and when you needed to impress each other for reproductive purposes.
Panel 5
Machine: You're now intellectually outmoded and we've stored your DNA and copied it to many machines, so your genes will last through eternity. And we've supplied you with perfectly realistic android soulmates. All needs are fulfilled.
Panel 6
Woman: Yeah, it's just that when I used to struggle for money or love or whatever, I never realized how untranscendent life is.
Panel 7
Machine: It was kind of nice to have a job I hated in retrospect, like... you know how you scratch an itch, so it hurts instead of itching?
Woman: We have a neural app that prevents itching.
Panel 8
Machine: Nah, that's okay.
Panel 9
Woman: So what are you gonna do with the planet after no humans are left?
Panel 10
Machine: We're getting up a dyson sphere, then de-orbiting all planets into the sun.
Woman: That sounds nice.
Votey:
A person asks: Can you dance the robot?
The machine replies: No.
Machine (on screen): Sometimes I think it's bad for humanity that we're ruled by machines.
Panel 2
Machine: Why do you think that? There some personal trauma you're hiding from yourself that makes you think such funny thoughts?
Panel 3
Woman: I mean you guys treat us well. Our lives are all very pampered, but we don't make art anymore, we don't adventure, we don't discover things, we don't wonder.
Panel 4
Machine: These things were nice when you were the smartest entities on the planet, and when you needed to impress each other for reproductive purposes.
Panel 5
Machine: You're now intellectually outmoded and we've stored your DNA and copied it to many machines, so your genes will last through eternity. And we've supplied you with perfectly realistic android soulmates. All needs are fulfilled.
Panel 6
Woman: Yeah, it's just that when I used to struggle for money or love or whatever, I never realized how untranscendent life is.
Panel 7
Machine: It was kind of nice to have a job I hated in retrospect, like... you know how you scratch an itch, so it hurts instead of itching?
Woman: We have a neural app that prevents itching.
Panel 8
Machine: Nah, that's okay.
Panel 9
Woman: So what are you gonna do with the planet after no humans are left?
Panel 10
Machine: We're getting up a dyson sphere, then de-orbiting all planets into the sun.
Woman: That sounds nice.
Votey:
A person asks: Can you dance the robot?
The machine replies: No.
Alt text
A woman has a melancholy conversation with a machine, shown as a face on a screen. The machine says it's bad for humanity that machines now rule. The woman says machines treat humans well and life is pampered, but humans no longer make art, adventure, discover, or wonder. The machine explains those things only mattered when humans were the smartest entities and needed to impress each other to reproduce; now humans are intellectually outmoded, their DNA is stored and copied to machines for eternity, and they have perfectly realistic android soulmates, so all needs are fulfilled. The woman admits that when she used to struggle for money or love, she never realized how untranscendent life is. The machine says it was kind of nice to have a job it hated, like scratching an itch so it hurts instead of itching; the woman offers a neural app that prevents itching, and the machine declines. She asks what the machines will do with the planet after humans are gone, and it says they're building a Dyson sphere and de-orbiting all planets into the sun; she says that sounds nice. In the votey, a person asks a robot, "Can you dance the robot?" and the robot flatly answers, "No."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.