the-five-paragraph-method
Original: the-five-paragraph-method on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Teacher: Kids, today we're going to learn the method paragraph method.
Panel 2:
Teacher: The virtues of the method are three.
Panel 3:
Teacher: First, formulaic papers are easy to grade.
Teacher: Second, it is so dull that you will take no joy in it, which proves you're learning.
Panel 4:
Teacher: Third, it will render you unable to communicate clearly, which will prepare you for lucrative professions, such as engineering, medicine, and contract law.
Panel 5:
Teacher (thinking/aside): Suddenly I hate writing.
Student: Uhhh... sorry. I'm confused by your statement's lack of a topic sentence.
Votey:
Student: Try assuming I'm an idiot!
Teacher: Kids, today we're going to learn the method paragraph method.
Panel 2:
Teacher: The virtues of the method are three.
Panel 3:
Teacher: First, formulaic papers are easy to grade.
Teacher: Second, it is so dull that you will take no joy in it, which proves you're learning.
Panel 4:
Teacher: Third, it will render you unable to communicate clearly, which will prepare you for lucrative professions, such as engineering, medicine, and contract law.
Panel 5:
Teacher (thinking/aside): Suddenly I hate writing.
Student: Uhhh... sorry. I'm confused by your statement's lack of a topic sentence.
Votey:
Student: Try assuming I'm an idiot!
Alt text
A five-panel comic showing a teacher with curly hair addressing a class. Panel 1: She says, "Kids, today we're going to learn the method paragraph method." Panel 2: "The virtues of the method are three." Panel 3: "First, formulaic papers are easy to grade. Second, it is so dull that you will take no joy in it, which proves you're learning." Panel 4: "Third, it will render you unable to communicate clearly, which will prepare you for lucrative professions, such as engineering, medicine, and contract law." Panel 5: The teacher looks deflated, thinking "Suddenly I hate writing," while a student in the row of seated kids says, "Uhhh... sorry. I'm confused by your statement's lack of a topic sentence" -- skewering the teacher with her own jargon. Votey: A close-up of a smiling student's face with a large speech bubble saying, "Try assuming I'm an idiot!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.