the-monster-under-the-bed
Original: the-monster-under-the-bed on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A child stands at a parent's bedside in the dark.
Child: DADDY! THERE'S A MONSTER UNDER MY BED!
Parent (waking): WHAT...?
Panel 2: The parent, now sitting up, addresses the monster sternly.
Parent: HEY! LISTEN UP! YOU EITHER PAY RENT IN THIS BUILDING, YOU LEAVE, OR I CALL THE COPS!
Panel 3: The parent leans down toward the child.
Parent: WHOA, OKAY, WHOA. HEY, I DON'T WANT ANY TROUBLE, OKAY?
Parent (to child): THEN, GET UP!
Panel 4: A green monster with horns peeks up from under the bed.
Parent: IS THERE A CURFEW AROUND HERE, MAN? I'M IN A BAD WAY.
Monster: NOT MY PROBLEM. PICK UP YOUR STUFF!
Panel 5: The monster crouches, pleading.
Monster: OKAY OKAY LET ME JUST--
Parent: SEE THIS? IT'S THE POLICE STATION PHONE NUMBER! YOU HAVE TWO SECONDS TO LEAVE BEFORE I HIT SEND!
Panel 6: The child watches as the parent holds up a phone.
Panel 7: The monster speaks resentfully, walking off in the dark.
Monster: DAMN FREELOADERS. NOT A DAMN HOTEL.
Panel 8: An older man (grandfather figure) stands in a doorway.
Grandfather: SUNS IS COLD OUT.
Panel 9: The parent (or family) responds.
Voice: NOT FOR US. NOT FOR YOU.
Panel 10: The family stands together; the parent puts a reassuring hand on the child.
Parent: HAVE A MIDDLE CLASS NIGHT, SON.
Votey: Against a black background with stars, a small white penguin-like creature looks up at the sky.
Creature (thought): This is great.
Child: DADDY! THERE'S A MONSTER UNDER MY BED!
Parent (waking): WHAT...?
Panel 2: The parent, now sitting up, addresses the monster sternly.
Parent: HEY! LISTEN UP! YOU EITHER PAY RENT IN THIS BUILDING, YOU LEAVE, OR I CALL THE COPS!
Panel 3: The parent leans down toward the child.
Parent: WHOA, OKAY, WHOA. HEY, I DON'T WANT ANY TROUBLE, OKAY?
Parent (to child): THEN, GET UP!
Panel 4: A green monster with horns peeks up from under the bed.
Parent: IS THERE A CURFEW AROUND HERE, MAN? I'M IN A BAD WAY.
Monster: NOT MY PROBLEM. PICK UP YOUR STUFF!
Panel 5: The monster crouches, pleading.
Monster: OKAY OKAY LET ME JUST--
Parent: SEE THIS? IT'S THE POLICE STATION PHONE NUMBER! YOU HAVE TWO SECONDS TO LEAVE BEFORE I HIT SEND!
Panel 6: The child watches as the parent holds up a phone.
Panel 7: The monster speaks resentfully, walking off in the dark.
Monster: DAMN FREELOADERS. NOT A DAMN HOTEL.
Panel 8: An older man (grandfather figure) stands in a doorway.
Grandfather: SUNS IS COLD OUT.
Panel 9: The parent (or family) responds.
Voice: NOT FOR US. NOT FOR YOU.
Panel 10: The family stands together; the parent puts a reassuring hand on the child.
Parent: HAVE A MIDDLE CLASS NIGHT, SON.
Votey: Against a black background with stars, a small white penguin-like creature looks up at the sky.
Creature (thought): This is great.
Alt text
A ten-panel SMBC comic. A child wakes their parent crying that there's a monster under the bed. Instead of comforting the child, the parent treats the monster like a squatter, barking landlord-tenant threats: pay rent, leave, or I'll call the cops. A green horned monster peeks out and tries to negotiate ('Is there a curfew around here, man? I'm in a bad way'), but the parent refuses ('Not my problem, pick up your stuff') and brandishes a phone showing the police station number, giving it two seconds to leave. The monster grumbles 'Damn freeloaders. Not a damn hotel' and shuffles off into the dark. An older man in a doorway notes it's cold out; the family coldly replies 'Not for us. Not for you.' The parent tucks the child in: 'Have a middle class night, son.' The joke turns a child's monster-under-the-bed fear into a cold satire of middle-class property-owner attitudes toward the homeless. Votey: against a starry black sky, a small white rounded creature gazes upward and thinks, 'This is great.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.