the-bank-ghost
Original: the-bank-ghost on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Narration/Scooby-Doo-style reveal: AND ALL ALONG, THE GHOST IN THE VAULT WAS...
(A white sheeted ghost figure stands before a group of people resembling the Scooby-Doo gang.)
Panel 2:
Man in the group: THE CHAIRMAN OF THE FEDERAL RESERVE?! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S BEEN HAUNTING ALL THE BANKS?!
Panel 3:
The unmasked ghost (an older woman, the Fed chair): I WAS TRYING TO MAKE BANKS DANGEROUS TO DECREASE SAVING.
Same woman (next bubble): THAT WAY, WE BOOST INVESTMENT WHICH CAUSES BROADER ECONOMIC GAINS.
Panel 4:
Man: WHY NOT JUST LOWER INTEREST RATES?
Fed chair woman: THEY'RE ALREADY LOW AND THERE'S A LOT OF DATA OUT OF THE ST. LOUIS FED SUGGESTING THAT SAVING GHOSTS RUN AMOK IN BANKS IS THE MOST EFFECTIVE SOLUTION ONCE STANDARD MONETARY METHODS HAVE FAILED.
Panel 5:
Woman in the group (red hair): ARE YOU CERTAIN OF THAT?
Fed chair woman: NO, BUT IF YOU STOP ME AND THE ECONOMY BECOMES DEPRESSED THERE WILL BE THOUSANDS OF DEATHS ON YOUR HANDS.
Panel 6:
Man: ...UH, OFFICER? SO, THE DEAL IS, THAT BANK GHOSTS ARE REAL.
Votey:
The ghost (white sheeted figure with a cartoon ghost face) throws up its arms cheerfully and shouts: WOOOOOO! GO SHOPPING!
Narration/Scooby-Doo-style reveal: AND ALL ALONG, THE GHOST IN THE VAULT WAS...
(A white sheeted ghost figure stands before a group of people resembling the Scooby-Doo gang.)
Panel 2:
Man in the group: THE CHAIRMAN OF THE FEDERAL RESERVE?! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S BEEN HAUNTING ALL THE BANKS?!
Panel 3:
The unmasked ghost (an older woman, the Fed chair): I WAS TRYING TO MAKE BANKS DANGEROUS TO DECREASE SAVING.
Same woman (next bubble): THAT WAY, WE BOOST INVESTMENT WHICH CAUSES BROADER ECONOMIC GAINS.
Panel 4:
Man: WHY NOT JUST LOWER INTEREST RATES?
Fed chair woman: THEY'RE ALREADY LOW AND THERE'S A LOT OF DATA OUT OF THE ST. LOUIS FED SUGGESTING THAT SAVING GHOSTS RUN AMOK IN BANKS IS THE MOST EFFECTIVE SOLUTION ONCE STANDARD MONETARY METHODS HAVE FAILED.
Panel 5:
Woman in the group (red hair): ARE YOU CERTAIN OF THAT?
Fed chair woman: NO, BUT IF YOU STOP ME AND THE ECONOMY BECOMES DEPRESSED THERE WILL BE THOUSANDS OF DEATHS ON YOUR HANDS.
Panel 6:
Man: ...UH, OFFICER? SO, THE DEAL IS, THAT BANK GHOSTS ARE REAL.
Votey:
The ghost (white sheeted figure with a cartoon ghost face) throws up its arms cheerfully and shouts: WOOOOOO! GO SHOPPING!
Alt text
A Scooby-Doo-style parody comic. Panel 1: A caption reads "And all along, the ghost in the vault was..." as a sheet-draped ghost stands before a group of teens resembling the Scooby-Doo gang. Panel 2: A man exclaims the ghost is "the Chairman of the Federal Reserve?!" who's been haunting all the banks. Panel 3: The unmasked older woman (the Fed chair) explains she was trying to make banks dangerous to decrease saving, boosting investment for broader economic gains. Panel 4: Asked why not just lower interest rates, she says they're already low and cites data from the St. Louis Fed suggesting that letting saving-ghosts run amok in banks is the most effective solution once standard monetary methods fail. Panel 5: A red-haired woman asks "Are you certain of that?" The Fed chair admits "No, but if you stop me and the economy becomes depressed there will be thousands of deaths on your hands." Panel 6: The man turns to an officer and concedes, "...Uh, officer? So, the deal is, that bank ghosts are real." The joke: the monetary-policy rationale is too plausible to disprove, so they let the haunting continue. Votey: The sheeted ghost throws up its arms gleefully and cheers "Woooooo! Go shopping!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.