2015-03-01
Original: 2015-03-01 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man: WUKKA! A MAGIC LAMP!
Panel 2:
Man: HUH. IT'S MADE OF UNADORNED WOOD.
Panel 3:
Man: WHO ARE YOU?
Green genie: I AM CALVINIST GENIE.
Panel 4:
Genie: YOU MAY MAKE THREE WISHES.
Panel 5:
Man: OOH! I WISH--
Genie: IF YOU WORK VERY HARD EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE, YOUR GRANDCHILDREN MAY BE GRANTED THOSE WISHES, PROVIDED THAT THEY TOO ENGAGE IN CEASELESS TOIL.
Panel 6:
Man: IF YOU LIE TO SEE YOUR GRANDCHILDREN, IT'S BECAUSE YOU DID NOT WORK HARD ENOUGH.
Genie: WILL I GO TO HEAVEN THEN?
Genie: THAT'S UP TO GOD. YOUR ACTIONS ARE IRRELEVANT.
Panel 7:
Genie: THAT SAID, TALKING TO A GENIE IS PROBABLY A BAD SIGN.
Panel 8:
Man: GODDAMMIT.
Genie: THAT'S STRIKE TWO, BUDDY.
Votey:
Genie: ALSO, NO WISHING FOR ANYTHING GOOD!
Man: WUKKA! A MAGIC LAMP!
Panel 2:
Man: HUH. IT'S MADE OF UNADORNED WOOD.
Panel 3:
Man: WHO ARE YOU?
Green genie: I AM CALVINIST GENIE.
Panel 4:
Genie: YOU MAY MAKE THREE WISHES.
Panel 5:
Man: OOH! I WISH--
Genie: IF YOU WORK VERY HARD EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE, YOUR GRANDCHILDREN MAY BE GRANTED THOSE WISHES, PROVIDED THAT THEY TOO ENGAGE IN CEASELESS TOIL.
Panel 6:
Man: IF YOU LIE TO SEE YOUR GRANDCHILDREN, IT'S BECAUSE YOU DID NOT WORK HARD ENOUGH.
Genie: WILL I GO TO HEAVEN THEN?
Genie: THAT'S UP TO GOD. YOUR ACTIONS ARE IRRELEVANT.
Panel 7:
Genie: THAT SAID, TALKING TO A GENIE IS PROBABLY A BAD SIGN.
Panel 8:
Man: GODDAMMIT.
Genie: THAT'S STRIKE TWO, BUDDY.
Votey:
Genie: ALSO, NO WISHING FOR ANYTHING GOOD!
Alt text
An eight-panel comic. A man finds a plain wooden lamp and rubs it, exclaiming "WUKKA! A MAGIC LAMP!" then notices "IT'S MADE OF UNADORNED WOOD." A green, stern-faced genie emerges and introduces itself: "I AM CALVINIST GENIE. YOU MAY MAKE THREE WISHES." When the man eagerly starts "OOH! I WISH--", the genie cuts him off with bleak Calvinist theology: if he works very hard every day of his life, his grandchildren MAY get the wishes, provided they too engage in ceaseless toil; failing to live to see his grandchildren just means he didn't work hard enough. Asked whether hard work earns heaven, the genie replies "THAT'S UP TO GOD. YOUR ACTIONS ARE IRRELEVANT," then adds that talking to a genie is probably a bad sign. The frustrated man says "GODDAMMIT" and the genie warns "THAT'S STRIKE TWO, BUDDY." In the votey aftercomic, a close-up of the dour genie's face adds one more rule: "ALSO, NO WISHING FOR ANYTHING GOOD!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.