2015-02-08
Original: 2015-02-08 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption): SOCIETY HAD BECOME GOD.
Caption: IN OLD BOOKS, KIDS ENCOUNTER STRANGERS AND AREN'T SCARED. WE LIVE IN A SAFER SOCIETY, BUT WE DON'T ALLOW THAT SORT OF THING. WHY?
Panel 2 (caption): SOCIOLOGISTS HAD A THEORY.
Man (bald, with goatee): WELL, PEOPLE USED TO LIVE IN SMALL LOCAL BANDS. NOW WE ARE IN HUGE EVER-CHURNING GROUPS.
Panel 3 (caption): TECHNOLOGY HAD A SOLUTION.
Woman (dark hair): ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS BUILD A TRUSTWORTHINESS RATING SYSTEM FOR ALL HUMANS. THAT WAY, THE ONLY "STRANGERS" WILL BE PEOPLE NOT IN THE SYSTEM.
Panel 4 (caption): THIS CREATED A PROBLEM.
Man: SO I SEE YOU HAVEN'T GOT A WON'T-SKIN-YOU-AND-WEAR-YOU BADGE...
Woman: I'M A KINDERGARTEN TEACHER. I DIDN'T THINK I NEEDED ONE.
Man: UH HUH
Panel 5 (caption): ACTUALLY, TWO PROBLEMS.
Man (arms raised, excited): HAVE NO FEAR DISNEYLAND-GOERS! HERE IS MY NOT-A-PEDOPHILE CARD!
Panel 6 (caption): COMPUTERIZED TRUST IS NOT FRIENDSHIP. IT IS ALLIANCE.
Woman: IT'S NICE TO KNOW THAT YOU WON'T KILL ME.
Man: OH YEAH. THAT'D DESTROY MY 5-STAR RATING.
Panel 7 (caption): HUMAN TRUST BEGAN TO ATROPHY.
Woman: I KNOW THAT THE BABYSITTER'S CLEAN WON'T COOK AND EAT MY CHILDREN, BUT I'D JUST RELAX MORE IF A PROFIT-MOTIVATED THIRD PARTY PROVIDED CONFIRMATION.
Panel 8 (caption): WE ARE ALL ISLANDS NOW.
Small figure (alone): I NEVER REALIZED HOW LONELY SAFETY IS. OR HOW SAFE LONELINESS IS.
Panel 9 (caption): FORTUNATELY, TECHNOLOGY WILL SAVE US AGAIN!
(A person sits at a desk with a screen. The screen reads:) A PERSON IN YOUR AREA HAS A HIGH SAFETY RATING.
Screen prompt: DO YOU WISH TO CONTACT ANY OF THEM? [YES / NO buttons]
Votey: A man with messy dark hair holds an open book and grins, a thought bubble above his head reading "NOW TO READ WEBCOMICS."
Caption: IN OLD BOOKS, KIDS ENCOUNTER STRANGERS AND AREN'T SCARED. WE LIVE IN A SAFER SOCIETY, BUT WE DON'T ALLOW THAT SORT OF THING. WHY?
Panel 2 (caption): SOCIOLOGISTS HAD A THEORY.
Man (bald, with goatee): WELL, PEOPLE USED TO LIVE IN SMALL LOCAL BANDS. NOW WE ARE IN HUGE EVER-CHURNING GROUPS.
Panel 3 (caption): TECHNOLOGY HAD A SOLUTION.
Woman (dark hair): ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS BUILD A TRUSTWORTHINESS RATING SYSTEM FOR ALL HUMANS. THAT WAY, THE ONLY "STRANGERS" WILL BE PEOPLE NOT IN THE SYSTEM.
Panel 4 (caption): THIS CREATED A PROBLEM.
Man: SO I SEE YOU HAVEN'T GOT A WON'T-SKIN-YOU-AND-WEAR-YOU BADGE...
Woman: I'M A KINDERGARTEN TEACHER. I DIDN'T THINK I NEEDED ONE.
Man: UH HUH
Panel 5 (caption): ACTUALLY, TWO PROBLEMS.
Man (arms raised, excited): HAVE NO FEAR DISNEYLAND-GOERS! HERE IS MY NOT-A-PEDOPHILE CARD!
Panel 6 (caption): COMPUTERIZED TRUST IS NOT FRIENDSHIP. IT IS ALLIANCE.
Woman: IT'S NICE TO KNOW THAT YOU WON'T KILL ME.
Man: OH YEAH. THAT'D DESTROY MY 5-STAR RATING.
Panel 7 (caption): HUMAN TRUST BEGAN TO ATROPHY.
Woman: I KNOW THAT THE BABYSITTER'S CLEAN WON'T COOK AND EAT MY CHILDREN, BUT I'D JUST RELAX MORE IF A PROFIT-MOTIVATED THIRD PARTY PROVIDED CONFIRMATION.
Panel 8 (caption): WE ARE ALL ISLANDS NOW.
Small figure (alone): I NEVER REALIZED HOW LONELY SAFETY IS. OR HOW SAFE LONELINESS IS.
Panel 9 (caption): FORTUNATELY, TECHNOLOGY WILL SAVE US AGAIN!
(A person sits at a desk with a screen. The screen reads:) A PERSON IN YOUR AREA HAS A HIGH SAFETY RATING.
Screen prompt: DO YOU WISH TO CONTACT ANY OF THEM? [YES / NO buttons]
Votey: A man with messy dark hair holds an open book and grins, a thought bubble above his head reading "NOW TO READ WEBCOMICS."
Alt text
A nine-panel SMBC comic, each panel topped with a caption advancing a satirical narrative about technology-mediated trust. Panel 1, "SOCIETY HAD BECOME GOD," asks why old books show kids unafraid of strangers while our safer society forbids it. Panel 2, "SOCIOLOGISTS HAD A THEORY," shows a bald goateed man explaining that people used to live in small local bands and now live in huge ever-churning groups. Panel 3, "TECHNOLOGY HAD A SOLUTION," shows a dark-haired woman proposing a trustworthiness rating system for all humans, so the only strangers are people not in the system. Panel 4, "THIS CREATED A PROBLEM," shows a man telling a kindergarten teacher she lacks a "won't-skin-you-and-wear-you badge"; she says she didn't think she needed one. Panel 5, "ACTUALLY, TWO PROBLEMS," shows a man with arms raised announcing to Disneyland-goers that he has his "not-a-pedophile card." Panel 6, "COMPUTERIZED TRUST IS NOT FRIENDSHIP. IT IS ALLIANCE," a woman says it's nice he won't kill her; he replies that would destroy his five-star rating. Panel 7, "HUMAN TRUST BEGAN TO ATROPHY," a woman says she knows the babysitter won't eat her children but would relax more if a profit-motivated third party confirmed it. Panel 8, "WE ARE ALL ISLANDS NOW," a tiny lone figure reflects on how lonely safety is and how safe loneliness is. Panel 9, "FORTUNATELY, TECHNOLOGY WILL SAVE US AGAIN!" a person sits at a screen reading "A PERSON IN YOUR AREA HAS A HIGH SAFETY RATING. DO YOU WISH TO CONTACT ANY OF THEM?" with YES and NO buttons. The votey (bonus panel) shows a grinning man with messy dark hair holding an open book, thinking "NOW TO READ WEBCOMICS."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.