2014-12-10
Original: 2014-12-10 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption): Information cannot travel faster than the speed of light.
[An oscilloscope-style waveform with a small label reading "+8sg" or similar near the top.]
Panel 2 (caption): With one exception. Friends and relatives finding out about a breakup.
Man (yelling): Steve, I think we should see other people!
Woman (off-panel/listening): What?
Woman: My mom is asking why we broke up!
Man: He broke up with her!
Panel 3 (caption): This is not a mere quirk of nature. It is a valuable communication tool.
Narration: We are sending you to Neptune. You will break up and make up repeatedly in order to relay signals to Sally's mom here on Earth.
Panel 4 (caption): In time, we learn the physics.
Narration: As the "PMR annihilation" commences, a "DRAMATON" is emitted from the relationship, which then interacts with all particles entangled with close relatives, best friends, and nosy cousins.
Panel 5 (caption): The fabric of society may be destroyed.
Man: Why have you broken up with me 17 times today?
Woman: Atet sent me 53 cents!
Panel 6 (caption): On the plus side, we finally made alien contact.
Grandmother (left): Jorgha and his bride broke up again, oh again, oh again, oh again, oh again, oh again, oh again, oh again.
Woman (right): I think they're speaking Beryllium! This is amazing!
Votey:
[A speech bubble coming from a creature with two large eyes.]
Creature: I think we should znurg other people.
[An oscilloscope-style waveform with a small label reading "+8sg" or similar near the top.]
Panel 2 (caption): With one exception. Friends and relatives finding out about a breakup.
Man (yelling): Steve, I think we should see other people!
Woman (off-panel/listening): What?
Woman: My mom is asking why we broke up!
Man: He broke up with her!
Panel 3 (caption): This is not a mere quirk of nature. It is a valuable communication tool.
Narration: We are sending you to Neptune. You will break up and make up repeatedly in order to relay signals to Sally's mom here on Earth.
Panel 4 (caption): In time, we learn the physics.
Narration: As the "PMR annihilation" commences, a "DRAMATON" is emitted from the relationship, which then interacts with all particles entangled with close relatives, best friends, and nosy cousins.
Panel 5 (caption): The fabric of society may be destroyed.
Man: Why have you broken up with me 17 times today?
Woman: Atet sent me 53 cents!
Panel 6 (caption): On the plus side, we finally made alien contact.
Grandmother (left): Jorgha and his bride broke up again, oh again, oh again, oh again, oh again, oh again, oh again, oh again.
Woman (right): I think they're speaking Beryllium! This is amazing!
Votey:
[A speech bubble coming from a creature with two large eyes.]
Creature: I think we should znurg other people.
Alt text
A multi-panel SMBC comic about a fictional physics premise that breakup news can travel faster than light. Panel 1: a caption "Information cannot travel faster than the speed of light" above an oscilloscope waveform. Panel 2: caption "With one exception. Friends and relatives finding out about a breakup." A man shouts "Steve, I think we should see other people!" while a woman reacts "What? My mom is asking why we broke up!" and the man explains "He broke up with her!" Panel 3: caption calling it "a valuable communication tool"; a scientist tells someone they're being sent to Neptune to break up and make up repeatedly to relay signals to Sally's mom on Earth. Panel 4: caption "In time, we learn the physics"; pseudo-scientific narration about a "PMR annihilation" emitting a "DRAMATON" particle that interacts with relatives, best friends, and nosy cousins. Panel 5: caption "The fabric of society may be destroyed"; a man asks "Why have you broken up with me 17 times today?" and the woman answers "Atet sent me 53 cents!" Panel 6: caption "On the plus side, we finally made alien contact"; an elderly woman repeats "Jorgha and his bride broke up again, oh again, oh again..." and another woman marvels "I think they're speaking Beryllium! This is amazing!" Votey: a cartoon creature with two big eyes says in a speech bubble, "I think we should znurg other people" — a garbled alien version of the breakup line.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.