2014-12-08
Original: 2014-12-08 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
A young man (Peter Parker): Hey, Spider-Man. Don't you think it's weird that you got bit by a radioactive spider and had only good things happen?
Spider-Man: Yeah, I know. It's lucky.
Panel 2:
Young man: It's not just lucky, though. I mean, like, think about the whole multiverse. Consider all the other Peter Parkers who got the same bite.
Panel 3:
Young man: Most would've got nothing because some would've died. A bunch would've been almost as lucky as you, but with imperfections.
Panel 4:
Spider-Man: What's your point, kid?
Young man: Starting around the same time, a bunch of superheroes have had astronomically unlikely good results. Supervillains too! And the number of unlikely lucky events is increasing.
Panel 5:
Young man: What if the laws of luck are changing? And we just don't realize it yet. Look, watch this. I'll punch this window!
Panel 6:
Young man (smashing through a window): Look! I'm bleeding ice cream!
Spider-Man: What in the--
Panel 7:
Young man: The laws are changing, man! Watch! I'll set myself on fire!
Panel 8:
Young man (on fire): Look! I can shoot fire with my hands now! Lucky again!
Spider-Man: Holy Christ!
Panel 9:
Young man: The universe is changing, Spider-Man! It's becoming the best of all possible worlds! We're the first ones to realize it! We can use our powers to do whatever we like! Hahahaha!
Panel 10:
Spider-Man: Oh God, did you just do evil?
Young man: I'm gonna fireball that old lady.
Panel 11:
Young man: Oooh! It turned into candy canes!
Old lady: Damnit!
Votey:
A speech bubble reads: "Welcome to Heaven."
A young man (Peter Parker): Hey, Spider-Man. Don't you think it's weird that you got bit by a radioactive spider and had only good things happen?
Spider-Man: Yeah, I know. It's lucky.
Panel 2:
Young man: It's not just lucky, though. I mean, like, think about the whole multiverse. Consider all the other Peter Parkers who got the same bite.
Panel 3:
Young man: Most would've got nothing because some would've died. A bunch would've been almost as lucky as you, but with imperfections.
Panel 4:
Spider-Man: What's your point, kid?
Young man: Starting around the same time, a bunch of superheroes have had astronomically unlikely good results. Supervillains too! And the number of unlikely lucky events is increasing.
Panel 5:
Young man: What if the laws of luck are changing? And we just don't realize it yet. Look, watch this. I'll punch this window!
Panel 6:
Young man (smashing through a window): Look! I'm bleeding ice cream!
Spider-Man: What in the--
Panel 7:
Young man: The laws are changing, man! Watch! I'll set myself on fire!
Panel 8:
Young man (on fire): Look! I can shoot fire with my hands now! Lucky again!
Spider-Man: Holy Christ!
Panel 9:
Young man: The universe is changing, Spider-Man! It's becoming the best of all possible worlds! We're the first ones to realize it! We can use our powers to do whatever we like! Hahahaha!
Panel 10:
Spider-Man: Oh God, did you just do evil?
Young man: I'm gonna fireball that old lady.
Panel 11:
Young man: Oooh! It turned into candy canes!
Old lady: Damnit!
Votey:
A speech bubble reads: "Welcome to Heaven."
Alt text
An 11-panel SMBC comic. A young man (Peter Parker) tells Spider-Man it's weird Spider-Man got only good outcomes from a radioactive spider bite. He argues that across the multiverse, most Peter Parkers got nothing or died, and that lately an astronomically unlikely number of heroes and villains have had improbably lucky results -- and the count is rising. He theorizes the laws of luck are changing toward the best of all possible worlds. To prove it, he punches a window and exclaims he's 'bleeding ice cream'; then sets himself on fire and finds he can now shoot fire from his hands. Aflame and laughing maniacally, he says they can do whatever they like. Spider-Man asks if he just did something evil; the man says he's going to fireball an old lady -- but the fireball turns her into candy canes, and the disappointed old lady says 'Damnit!' as if she wanted to be killed. In the votey, an empty void with a small floating figure shows a speech bubble reading 'Welcome to Heaven,' implying the changed laws of luck have effectively made the world a paradise where harm is impossible.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.