2014-11-10
Original: 2014-11-10 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man (praying, looking up): Dear God, why do bad things happen to good people?
God (offscreen, speech from above): What do you mean?
Panel 2:
Man: Like, people are good but bad things happen to them. Or good things don't happen to them.
God: I don't follow. Either you're an idiot or I am.
Panel 3:
God: That's like asking "why do unsexy things happen to sexy people?" Sexy people: nobody's sexy all the time, and nobody wants sexy stuff happening to them all the time. People just live, and things happen.
Panel 4:
God: Do you really want to live in a world where you get a cookie every time you're good, and a whip-lash every time you're bad?
Panel 5:
Man: Actually, I have a fetish for degradation.
God: Sorry, no can do. You're not one of the chosen people.
Votey:
God (giant moon-like face with eyes and mouth): Have some consolation locusts.
(A swarm of locusts is scattered in the lower-left corner.)
Man (praying, looking up): Dear God, why do bad things happen to good people?
God (offscreen, speech from above): What do you mean?
Panel 2:
Man: Like, people are good but bad things happen to them. Or good things don't happen to them.
God: I don't follow. Either you're an idiot or I am.
Panel 3:
God: That's like asking "why do unsexy things happen to sexy people?" Sexy people: nobody's sexy all the time, and nobody wants sexy stuff happening to them all the time. People just live, and things happen.
Panel 4:
God: Do you really want to live in a world where you get a cookie every time you're good, and a whip-lash every time you're bad?
Panel 5:
Man: Actually, I have a fetish for degradation.
God: Sorry, no can do. You're not one of the chosen people.
Votey:
God (giant moon-like face with eyes and mouth): Have some consolation locusts.
(A swarm of locusts is scattered in the lower-left corner.)
Alt text
A five-panel comic. A man kneels in prayer, asking God (whose voice comes from offscreen above) "Dear God, why do bad things happen to good people?" God replies "What do you mean?" The man explains that good people suffer bad things or miss out on good things; God says "Either you're an idiot or I am." God compares it to asking why unsexy things happen to sexy people, noting nobody is sexy all the time and people just live and things happen. God then asks whether the man really wants a world where he gets a cookie every time he's good and a whiplash every time he's bad. The man answers "Actually, I have a fetish for degradation," and God replies "Sorry, no can do. You're not one of the chosen people." In the votey aftercomic, a giant moon-like face (God) with simple eyes and a mouth says "Have some consolation locusts," while a small swarm of locusts is scattered in the lower-left corner.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.