2014-05-22
Original: 2014-05-22 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
This comic parodies Dr. Seuss's "Green Eggs and Ham." Two characters trade lines: a small insistent character in a red-and-white striped top hat (the Sam-I-Am figure, here called Sam-I-Am) and a tall, increasingly distressed character (the refusing narrator).
Panel 1 (Sam-I-Am): "DO YOU LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM?"
Panel 2 (Refuser): "I DO NOT LIKE THEM, SAM-I-AM."
Panel 3 (Sam-I-Am): "WOULD YOU LIKE THEM IN A BOX?"
Panel 4 (Refuser): "HOW IN THE WORLD WOULD THAT AFFECT ANYTHING? I TOLD YOU--"
Panel 5 (Sam-I-Am): "WOULD YOU LIKE THEM WITH A FOX?"
Panel 6 (Refuser): "I WON'T EAT THEM! GREEN EGGS ARE NOT GREEN!"
Panel 7 (Refuser): "MAYBE EGGS WERE ALWAYS GREEN. GREEN IS ALL I'VE EVER KNOWN AND THEY'VE EVER BEEN."
Panel 8 (Refuser): "THEY'RE NOT! I REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE OUTSIDE! THE GRASS WAS GREEN! EGGS WERE WHITE, WHITE AND YELLOW! YELLOW LIKE THE SUN."
Panel 9 (Refuser): "I WILL NOT EAT GREEN EGGS AND HAM! I CAN'T CONTROL THE TRUTH, SAM-I-AM!"
Panel 10 (Sam-I-Am): "YOU LIKE THEM ON A BOAT?" (Refuser): "NO."
Panel 11 (Sam-I-Am): "WOULD YOU LIKE THEM WITH A GOAT?" (Refuser): "NO."
Panel 12 (Sam-I-Am): "WOULD YOU LIKE THEM IN THE RAIN?" (Refuser): "PLEASE."
Panel 13 (Sam-I-Am): "WOULD YOU LIKE THEM ON A TRAIN?" (Refuser): "SAM, COME ON."
Panel 14 (Sam-I-Am): "WOULD YOU EAT THEM IN A SHOP?" (Refuser): "NO! PLEASE I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER DAY OF THIS!"
Panel 15 (Sam-I-Am): "WOULD YOU EAT TO MAKE IT STOP?" (Refuser): "WOULD YOU EAT TO MAKE IT STOP?"
Panel 16 (large text, the refuser's face desperate): "WOULD YOU EAT TO STOP? MAKE IT" (the words arranged chaotically around his face: WOULD YOU ? EAT TO STOP MAKE IT)
Panel 17 (Refuser, defeated): "SO I WILL EAT THEM IN A BOX. AND I WILL EAT THEM WITH A FOX. AND I WILL EAT THEM IN A HOUSE. AND I WILL EAT THEM WITH A MOUSE. AND I WILL EAT THEM HERE AND THERE. SAY! I WILL EAT THEM ANYWHERE!"
Final panel of main strip (Sam-I-Am, eyes glaring, sinister): "I LOVE YOU SAM-I-AM."
Votey:
A hand-drawn bearded face. Text above it: "SMBC IS THE BEST COMIC."
Panel 1 (Sam-I-Am): "DO YOU LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM?"
Panel 2 (Refuser): "I DO NOT LIKE THEM, SAM-I-AM."
Panel 3 (Sam-I-Am): "WOULD YOU LIKE THEM IN A BOX?"
Panel 4 (Refuser): "HOW IN THE WORLD WOULD THAT AFFECT ANYTHING? I TOLD YOU--"
Panel 5 (Sam-I-Am): "WOULD YOU LIKE THEM WITH A FOX?"
Panel 6 (Refuser): "I WON'T EAT THEM! GREEN EGGS ARE NOT GREEN!"
Panel 7 (Refuser): "MAYBE EGGS WERE ALWAYS GREEN. GREEN IS ALL I'VE EVER KNOWN AND THEY'VE EVER BEEN."
Panel 8 (Refuser): "THEY'RE NOT! I REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE OUTSIDE! THE GRASS WAS GREEN! EGGS WERE WHITE, WHITE AND YELLOW! YELLOW LIKE THE SUN."
Panel 9 (Refuser): "I WILL NOT EAT GREEN EGGS AND HAM! I CAN'T CONTROL THE TRUTH, SAM-I-AM!"
Panel 10 (Sam-I-Am): "YOU LIKE THEM ON A BOAT?" (Refuser): "NO."
Panel 11 (Sam-I-Am): "WOULD YOU LIKE THEM WITH A GOAT?" (Refuser): "NO."
Panel 12 (Sam-I-Am): "WOULD YOU LIKE THEM IN THE RAIN?" (Refuser): "PLEASE."
Panel 13 (Sam-I-Am): "WOULD YOU LIKE THEM ON A TRAIN?" (Refuser): "SAM, COME ON."
Panel 14 (Sam-I-Am): "WOULD YOU EAT THEM IN A SHOP?" (Refuser): "NO! PLEASE I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER DAY OF THIS!"
Panel 15 (Sam-I-Am): "WOULD YOU EAT TO MAKE IT STOP?" (Refuser): "WOULD YOU EAT TO MAKE IT STOP?"
Panel 16 (large text, the refuser's face desperate): "WOULD YOU EAT TO STOP? MAKE IT" (the words arranged chaotically around his face: WOULD YOU ? EAT TO STOP MAKE IT)
Panel 17 (Refuser, defeated): "SO I WILL EAT THEM IN A BOX. AND I WILL EAT THEM WITH A FOX. AND I WILL EAT THEM IN A HOUSE. AND I WILL EAT THEM WITH A MOUSE. AND I WILL EAT THEM HERE AND THERE. SAY! I WILL EAT THEM ANYWHERE!"
Final panel of main strip (Sam-I-Am, eyes glaring, sinister): "I LOVE YOU SAM-I-AM."
Votey:
A hand-drawn bearded face. Text above it: "SMBC IS THE BEST COMIC."
Alt text
A black-and-white parody of Dr. Seuss's "Green Eggs and Ham," drawn as a tall vertical strip in SMBC's loose, scratchy style. A small character in a red-and-white striped top hat (Sam-I-Am) keeps pestering a tall, increasingly distressed character. It opens normally: "Do you like green eggs and ham?" "I do not like them, Sam-I-Am." "Would you like them in a box?" But the refuser breaks the rhyme to snap that the question is nonsense, then spirals into a horror twist: he insists "GREEN EGGS ARE NOT GREEN," and that he remembers a world where the grass was green and eggs were white and yellow like the sun, before everything turned green. As Sam-I-Am keeps cheerfully listing places to eat them (boat, goat, rain, train, shop), the refuser's answers degrade into begging ("NO," "PLEASE," "Sam, come on," "I can't take another day of this!"). His face contorts and the words "WOULD YOU EAT TO MAKE IT STOP?" scatter chaotically around his anguished head. He finally surrenders, reciting the famous capitulation: he'll eat them in a box, with a fox, anywhere. In the last panel Sam-I-Am stares back with menacing, glaring eyes and says "I love you Sam-I-Am" — the captor's line now coming from, or imposed on, the broken victim. The joke recasts the Seuss poem as a story of psychological coercion and forced confession. Votey: a separate small panel showing a crudely drawn bearded face with the caption "SMBC is the best comic."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.