2014-05-26
Original: 2014-05-26 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1
Woman (lecturing, gesturing): If a microorganism is transmitted sexually, it does best with a sexually active host.
Panel 2
Woman: If the microorganism's host is a social animal, the microorganism should have evolved to manipulate its host into being an amazing sex partner in order to increase transmission.
Panel 3
Woman: However, too many STDs can lower social standing. Thus, we propose the STD optimum, also known as the sweet spot, also known as the crabs nebula.
Panel 4 (a graph with a bell-shaped curve)
Woman: The Y axis is desirability. The X axis is the product of STD quantity and STD seriousness.
Panel 5
Woman: At the apex are those individuals with a diverse bodily ecosystem of non-serious sexual pathogens.
Panel 6
Woman: They are the unsung heroes of the sexual realm. Perhaps they go out at night to diversify their biomes. Perhaps they do it in secret so no one knows the trouble they go to. Perhaps they find these species and say 'Take what you will of my body, and perhaps my spouse, and make us better!'
Panel 7
Audience member (raising hand): Question: Do you have any evidence for any of this?
Woman: N of 1, but she's really smart.
Votey:
A close-up of the woman's face, looking emotional, with a speech bubble reading: 'And hot.'
Woman (lecturing, gesturing): If a microorganism is transmitted sexually, it does best with a sexually active host.
Panel 2
Woman: If the microorganism's host is a social animal, the microorganism should have evolved to manipulate its host into being an amazing sex partner in order to increase transmission.
Panel 3
Woman: However, too many STDs can lower social standing. Thus, we propose the STD optimum, also known as the sweet spot, also known as the crabs nebula.
Panel 4 (a graph with a bell-shaped curve)
Woman: The Y axis is desirability. The X axis is the product of STD quantity and STD seriousness.
Panel 5
Woman: At the apex are those individuals with a diverse bodily ecosystem of non-serious sexual pathogens.
Panel 6
Woman: They are the unsung heroes of the sexual realm. Perhaps they go out at night to diversify their biomes. Perhaps they do it in secret so no one knows the trouble they go to. Perhaps they find these species and say 'Take what you will of my body, and perhaps my spouse, and make us better!'
Panel 7
Audience member (raising hand): Question: Do you have any evidence for any of this?
Woman: N of 1, but she's really smart.
Votey:
A close-up of the woman's face, looking emotional, with a speech bubble reading: 'And hot.'
Alt text
A seven-panel comic of a woman with glasses and shoulder-length hair giving a lecture, gesturing as she speaks. She proposes that sexually transmitted microorganisms evolve to make their hosts into better sex partners to spread, but that too many STDs lower social standing, creating an optimal 'sweet spot' she calls the 'crabs nebula.' One panel shows a bell-curve graph: Y axis is desirability, X axis is the product of STD quantity and seriousness. At the curve's apex are people with a diverse ecosystem of non-serious sexual pathogens, whom she calls unsung heroes who secretly diversify their 'biomes.' In the final panel, an audience member raises a hand and asks, 'Question: Do you have any evidence for any of this?' She replies, 'N of 1, but she's really smart.' Votey: a close-up of the woman's emotional face as she adds, 'And hot.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.