2014-05-12
Original: 2014-05-12 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Frog (prince): Princess! If you kiss me, I'll turn into a prince.
Panel 2:
Princess: Impossible. And a kiss isn't a meaningful scientific notion. I'm a biologist.
Panel 3:
Princess: Assuming my kiss will turn you into a prince, it must be the case that the reaction is caused by my proximity, the skin of my lips, or my saliva.
Princess: We can rule out proximity.
Panel 4:
Princess: We can rule out lip-skin.
Panel 5:
Princess: And we can rule out saliva. Gee, it was all bullshit.
Panel 6:
Princess: What if the reaction requires a particular set of factors all at once?
Princess: Let's try lip-skin and saliva at a distance.
Panel 7:
(The princess attempts the combined approach; an effect occurs.)
Panel 8:
Princess: It kinda worked! You know what to do next?
Frog/prince: It's an exceedingly rare hybrid specimen.
Panel 9:
(The princess, now standing with another person beside a glass display case, presents a frog-man hybrid creature mounted on a stand inside the case, as if in a museum exhibit.)
Votey:
A man with a despairing expression slumps with his head resting on his hand, saying: "Everything must be ruined."
Frog (prince): Princess! If you kiss me, I'll turn into a prince.
Panel 2:
Princess: Impossible. And a kiss isn't a meaningful scientific notion. I'm a biologist.
Panel 3:
Princess: Assuming my kiss will turn you into a prince, it must be the case that the reaction is caused by my proximity, the skin of my lips, or my saliva.
Princess: We can rule out proximity.
Panel 4:
Princess: We can rule out lip-skin.
Panel 5:
Princess: And we can rule out saliva. Gee, it was all bullshit.
Panel 6:
Princess: What if the reaction requires a particular set of factors all at once?
Princess: Let's try lip-skin and saliva at a distance.
Panel 7:
(The princess attempts the combined approach; an effect occurs.)
Panel 8:
Princess: It kinda worked! You know what to do next?
Frog/prince: It's an exceedingly rare hybrid specimen.
Panel 9:
(The princess, now standing with another person beside a glass display case, presents a frog-man hybrid creature mounted on a stand inside the case, as if in a museum exhibit.)
Votey:
A man with a despairing expression slumps with his head resting on his hand, saying: "Everything must be ruined."
Alt text
A nine-panel SMBC comic. A small green frog tells a princess that if she kisses him, he'll turn into a prince. The princess, who declares herself a biologist, dismisses the idea that a 'kiss' is even a meaningful scientific concept. She reasons that any transformation must be caused by proximity, the skin of her lips, or her saliva, and methodically rules out each factor one at a time, concluding it was 'all bullshit.' She then wonders whether the reaction needs all the factors at once, and tries combining lip-skin and saliva 'at a distance.' Something actually happens. The result, however, is not a handsome prince but a bizarre frog-human hybrid creature, which she ends up presenting as 'an exceedingly rare hybrid specimen' mounted inside a glass museum display case. In the bonus votey panel, a man slumps with his head in his hand, looking devastated, and says, 'Everything must be ruined.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.