2014-02-03
Original: 2014-02-03 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A person lies in bed, distressed.
Person: Oh god, it's 2:00 a.m. I can't sleep. I've started thinking about my life, and... NO! NO!
A small green creature with pointed ears and a wide grin appears.
Green creature: It's me! Remorse Pixie!
Panel 2:
Person: Hi, Remorse Pixie. What should I feel bad about THIS time?
Remorse Pixie: No particular moment. I just want to note how your remorse helps you build from happiness and success, and thus you feel remorse about it!
Panel 3: Close-up on the person, alarmed.
Person: HOLY SHIT, REMORSE PIXIE! HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?!
Remorse Pixie (grinning widely): It's how I reproduce.
Votey:
Close-up on the smiling face of the Remorse Pixie.
Remorse Pixie: WELL, G'NIGHT!
Person: Oh god, it's 2:00 a.m. I can't sleep. I've started thinking about my life, and... NO! NO!
A small green creature with pointed ears and a wide grin appears.
Green creature: It's me! Remorse Pixie!
Panel 2:
Person: Hi, Remorse Pixie. What should I feel bad about THIS time?
Remorse Pixie: No particular moment. I just want to note how your remorse helps you build from happiness and success, and thus you feel remorse about it!
Panel 3: Close-up on the person, alarmed.
Person: HOLY SHIT, REMORSE PIXIE! HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?!
Remorse Pixie (grinning widely): It's how I reproduce.
Votey:
Close-up on the smiling face of the Remorse Pixie.
Remorse Pixie: WELL, G'NIGHT!
Alt text
A three-panel comic. In the first panel, a person lies awake in bed at 2 a.m., distressed, saying they can't sleep because they've started thinking about their life — "NO! NO!" A small green grinning creature pops up beside the bed, announcing "It's me! Remorse Pixie!" In the second panel the person wearily asks what they should feel bad about this time; the pixie cheerfully explains it's no particular moment — it just wants to point out how the person's remorse builds on their own happiness and success, so now they feel remorse about that too. In the third panel the person reacts in horror: "HOLY SHIT, REMORSE PIXIE! HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?!" The pixie, grinning enormously, replies, "It's how I reproduce." The votey is a close-up of the pixie's wide cartoon grin saying "WELL, G'NIGHT!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.