2014-02-04
Original: 2014-02-04 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Lawyer (a man with flame-like / spiky hair, addressing the court): "Yes, your honor, my client 'stole' the plaintiff's rattle."
Panel 2:
Lawyer: "But the plaintiff has no object permanence! None of us do! On his internal-reality model, the object never existed. If the object doesn't exist, how can we say that it was stolen?"
Panel 3:
Opposing lawyer (a person, raising a hand): "Objection! Reality isn't a byproduct of human perception! Our lack of object permanence changes nothing!"
Judge: "Sustained. The rattle's existence is not up for debate."
Panel 4:
Lawyer (eyes shut tight): "I'll show you! I'll close my eyes!"
Judge: "Bailiff! Stop him!"
Panel 5 (wordless):
The lawyer flops backward onto the floor, eyes closed, arms out.
Votey:
Woman: "You're thinking about the baby a lot, huh?"
Man (lying down, looking away): "No."
Lawyer (a man with flame-like / spiky hair, addressing the court): "Yes, your honor, my client 'stole' the plaintiff's rattle."
Panel 2:
Lawyer: "But the plaintiff has no object permanence! None of us do! On his internal-reality model, the object never existed. If the object doesn't exist, how can we say that it was stolen?"
Panel 3:
Opposing lawyer (a person, raising a hand): "Objection! Reality isn't a byproduct of human perception! Our lack of object permanence changes nothing!"
Judge: "Sustained. The rattle's existence is not up for debate."
Panel 4:
Lawyer (eyes shut tight): "I'll show you! I'll close my eyes!"
Judge: "Bailiff! Stop him!"
Panel 5 (wordless):
The lawyer flops backward onto the floor, eyes closed, arms out.
Votey:
Woman: "You're thinking about the baby a lot, huh?"
Man (lying down, looking away): "No."
Alt text
A five-panel black-and-white SMBC comic set in a courtroom. Panel 1: a lawyer with spiky, flame-like hair tells the judge, "Yes, your honor, my client 'stole' the plaintiff's rattle." Panel 2: he argues, "But the plaintiff has no object permanence! None of us do! On his internal-reality model, the object never existed. If the object doesn't exist, how can we say that it was stolen?" Panel 3: an opposing lawyer raises a hand and objects, "Objection! Reality isn't a byproduct of human perception! Our lack of object permanence changes nothing!" The judge replies, "Sustained. The rattle's existence is not up for debate." Panel 4: the first lawyer squeezes his eyes shut and shouts, "I'll show you! I'll close my eyes!" The judge yells, "Bailiff! Stop him!" Panel 5: wordless, the lawyer has flopped backward onto the floor with his eyes closed and arms splayed, having tried to make the rattle cease to exist by refusing to perceive it. Votey (a bonus panel): a woman asks a man, "You're thinking about the baby a lot, huh?" The man, lying down and looking away, flatly answers, "No."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.