2013-11-12
Original: 2013-11-12 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Child (in bed): DAD! THERE'S A MONSTER UNDER MY BED!
Dad: REALLY?
Panel 2:
Child: A REAL MONSTER! AN UNDOCUMENTED MEGAFAUNA IS RIGHT HERE IN YOUR ROOM!
Panel 3:
Dad: ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS GET A PICTURE, AND WE'LL ALL BE FAMOUS! THERE'LL BE BOOK AND MOVIE DEALS AND AWARDS AND OH IT'LL BE WONDERFUL!
Panel 4:
Dad: MOMMY CAN LEAVE THE JOB SHE HATES, AND I CAN FINALLY GET THE FERRARI. I GAVE UP ON EVER HAVING AFTER YOU WERE BORN!
Panel 5:
Dad: OH THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! EVERYTHING IS GOOD AGAIN! IT'S TIME TO REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO SMILE AT THE SUNRISE!
Child: I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE CAMERA. YOU WAIT HERE, MY LITTLE CHERUB.
Panel 6 (dark, the dad lying in the child's bed):
(no dialogue)
Panel 7 (dark):
(no dialogue)
Panel 8:
Signature: ZACH WEINER
Panel 9:
Child (calling out, frightened): MOM! DAD! THERE'S A MONSTER UNDER MY BED!
Panel 10:
Man (offscreen/the dad's voice): UGH AGAIN?
Child: YES BUT FOR THE LAST TIME.
Votey:
A face with a sinister, knowing expression delivers the line in a speech bubble:
THE REAL MONSTER IS GUILT.
Child (in bed): DAD! THERE'S A MONSTER UNDER MY BED!
Dad: REALLY?
Panel 2:
Child: A REAL MONSTER! AN UNDOCUMENTED MEGAFAUNA IS RIGHT HERE IN YOUR ROOM!
Panel 3:
Dad: ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS GET A PICTURE, AND WE'LL ALL BE FAMOUS! THERE'LL BE BOOK AND MOVIE DEALS AND AWARDS AND OH IT'LL BE WONDERFUL!
Panel 4:
Dad: MOMMY CAN LEAVE THE JOB SHE HATES, AND I CAN FINALLY GET THE FERRARI. I GAVE UP ON EVER HAVING AFTER YOU WERE BORN!
Panel 5:
Dad: OH THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! EVERYTHING IS GOOD AGAIN! IT'S TIME TO REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO SMILE AT THE SUNRISE!
Child: I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE CAMERA. YOU WAIT HERE, MY LITTLE CHERUB.
Panel 6 (dark, the dad lying in the child's bed):
(no dialogue)
Panel 7 (dark):
(no dialogue)
Panel 8:
Signature: ZACH WEINER
Panel 9:
Child (calling out, frightened): MOM! DAD! THERE'S A MONSTER UNDER MY BED!
Panel 10:
Man (offscreen/the dad's voice): UGH AGAIN?
Child: YES BUT FOR THE LAST TIME.
Votey:
A face with a sinister, knowing expression delivers the line in a speech bubble:
THE REAL MONSTER IS GUILT.
Alt text
A black-and-white SMBC comic. A child in bed calls out, 'Dad! There's a monster under my bed!' The dad replies 'Really?' The child insists it's a real, undocumented megafauna right there in the room. The dad becomes ecstatic, imagining fame: book and movie deals, awards, Mommy quitting the job she hates, and finally getting the Ferrari he gave up on after the kid was born. He gushes, 'Thank you! Everything is good again! It's time to remember what it was like to smile at the sunrise!' The child says, 'I'll be right back with the camera. You wait here, my little cherub,' and leaves the dad lying in the bed in the dark. In the final panels the child (now in the dad's role) calls out from another room, 'Mom! Dad! There's a monster under my bed!' A voice answers 'Ugh, again?' and the child replies, 'Yes, but for the last time' — implying the dad, framed as the monster, will be photographed/killed for the fame. Votey (aftercomic): a close-up of a smug, sinister face in a speech bubble declaring, 'The real monster is guilt.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.