2013-11-08
Original: 2013-11-08 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Red-skinned man (looking up at a blue giant): You can talk the body has finally evolved by evolution. I mean who puts gravitation next to recreation?
Panel 2:
Blue giant (angry): DAMMIT! WHERE'S ELLIE? IS IT BEING GOD AM I?
Red man (small, off to the side): CHARLES, DARWIN!
Panel 3:
Blue giant: YOU WANNA POP OUT OF YOUR HANDS NEXT TIME YOU'RE TRYING TO THROW A SPEAR? OR MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO POOP OUT YOUR FEET WHILE RUNNING FROM A PREDATOR?
Red man: NO.
Panel 4:
Blue giant: THEN YOU WANT IT ON YOUR UPPER TORSO? YOU WANT TO HAVE TO PUMP DIGESTED FOOD UP AN EXTRA TEN CENTIMETERS JUST SO YOU CAN HAVE AN OPEN HOLE INTO YOUR BODY CAVITY?
Red man: N-NO.
Panel 5:
Blue giant: THEN WHERE YA GONNA PUT IT? HUH? WHERE ARE YOU GONNA RUN A HUGE EXTRA TUBE THROUGH AN EXPOSED PART OF YOUR BODY JUST TO AVOID HAVING YOUR POOPY NEAR YOUR WEEWEE? HUH?
Panel 6:
Red man: I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW!
Blue giant: NATURAL SELECTION IS A TINKERER, NOT AN IDIOT!
Panel 7:
Red man: OKAY OKAY! I'M SORRY!
Panel 8:
Blue giant: GOOD.
Red man: HOW CAN I ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT FINGERS?
Blue giant: SORRY, I HAVE TO GO YELL AT A GUY ABOUT MALE NIPPLES.
Votey:
A man with hair: PEOPLE ARE GONNA CALL YOU ANTI-EVOLUTION.
The blue giant (in speech bubble): SOMEONE MUST DEFEND THE ANUS!
Red-skinned man (looking up at a blue giant): You can talk the body has finally evolved by evolution. I mean who puts gravitation next to recreation?
Panel 2:
Blue giant (angry): DAMMIT! WHERE'S ELLIE? IS IT BEING GOD AM I?
Red man (small, off to the side): CHARLES, DARWIN!
Panel 3:
Blue giant: YOU WANNA POP OUT OF YOUR HANDS NEXT TIME YOU'RE TRYING TO THROW A SPEAR? OR MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO POOP OUT YOUR FEET WHILE RUNNING FROM A PREDATOR?
Red man: NO.
Panel 4:
Blue giant: THEN YOU WANT IT ON YOUR UPPER TORSO? YOU WANT TO HAVE TO PUMP DIGESTED FOOD UP AN EXTRA TEN CENTIMETERS JUST SO YOU CAN HAVE AN OPEN HOLE INTO YOUR BODY CAVITY?
Red man: N-NO.
Panel 5:
Blue giant: THEN WHERE YA GONNA PUT IT? HUH? WHERE ARE YOU GONNA RUN A HUGE EXTRA TUBE THROUGH AN EXPOSED PART OF YOUR BODY JUST TO AVOID HAVING YOUR POOPY NEAR YOUR WEEWEE? HUH?
Panel 6:
Red man: I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW!
Blue giant: NATURAL SELECTION IS A TINKERER, NOT AN IDIOT!
Panel 7:
Red man: OKAY OKAY! I'M SORRY!
Panel 8:
Blue giant: GOOD.
Red man: HOW CAN I ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT FINGERS?
Blue giant: SORRY, I HAVE TO GO YELL AT A GUY ABOUT MALE NIPPLES.
Votey:
A man with hair: PEOPLE ARE GONNA CALL YOU ANTI-EVOLUTION.
The blue giant (in speech bubble): SOMEONE MUST DEFEND THE ANUS!
Alt text
A tall multi-panel SMBC comic in flat color. A small red-skinned man tries to question a towering blue giant who personifies evolution / natural selection. The man comments that the body finally evolved "who puts gravitation next to recreation?" The giant erupts, defensively justifying the placement of the anus: he demands to know where else it should go, sarcastically asking if the man would rather poop out of his hands while throwing a spear or out of his feet while running from a predator, or have it on his upper torso requiring food to be pumped up an extra ten centimeters into an open hole in his body cavity. He insists there's nowhere better to route "a huge extra tube" just to keep the poopy away from the weewee, shouting "NATURAL SELECTION IS A TINKERER, NOT AN IDIOT!" The cowed man says "I don't know! I'm sorry!" The giant says "GOOD," and when the man tries to ask about fingers, the giant says he has to go yell at a guy about male nipples instead. In the votey (bonus panel), a person tells the giant "People are gonna call you anti-evolution," and the giant declares in a shout, "SOMEONE MUST DEFEND THE ANUS!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.