2013-05-12
Original: 2013-05-12 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption): STEP 1: PLACE DEUTERIUM CAPSULES INSIDE SPONGE SPHERES.
[A small yellow capsule sits inside a large orange sphere.]
Panel 2 (caption): STEP 2: SEND TO CLARK KENT'S OFFICE.
Office worker (woman): HEY! WE GOT FREE STRESS BALLS!
[She holds open a box full of orange spheres; a coworker sits at a desk nearby.]
Panel 3 (caption): STEP 3: PAY HIS BOSS TO MAKE HIM OBEY ARBITRARILY ENFORCED OFFICE RULES.
Boss (bald man): CLARK, YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO STOP WEARING DISTRACTING TIES.
Clark (man in glasses): WHICH IS WHAT'S SO DISTRACTING.
Boss: IT'S A GRAY TIE. A PLAIN GRAY TIE. IT'S THE MOST BORING ARTICLE OF CLOTHING POSSIBLE.
Panel 4 (caption): STEP 4: WATCH THE DEVASTATION.
[Clark squeezes an orange stress ball in his fist.] KRNCH! [A mushroom-cloud explosion erupts.] BOOM!
Panel 5:
Off-panel speaker (red-faced figure): JEEZ, LEX THAT'S BRILLIANT!
Lex (hooded figure with glowing red eyes): THANKS. I BELIEVE WE CAN USE PHYSICS TO KILL BATMAN TOO.
Panel 6:
Lex (bald man in pink with a green sash): KINETIC ENERGY. KINETIC ENERGY AND A BULLET.
Other figure (off-panel): HOW?!
Votey:
[Extreme close-up of a gray-faced, hooded figure with glowing red eyes.]
Figure: THAT'S DUMB.
[A small yellow capsule sits inside a large orange sphere.]
Panel 2 (caption): STEP 2: SEND TO CLARK KENT'S OFFICE.
Office worker (woman): HEY! WE GOT FREE STRESS BALLS!
[She holds open a box full of orange spheres; a coworker sits at a desk nearby.]
Panel 3 (caption): STEP 3: PAY HIS BOSS TO MAKE HIM OBEY ARBITRARILY ENFORCED OFFICE RULES.
Boss (bald man): CLARK, YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO STOP WEARING DISTRACTING TIES.
Clark (man in glasses): WHICH IS WHAT'S SO DISTRACTING.
Boss: IT'S A GRAY TIE. A PLAIN GRAY TIE. IT'S THE MOST BORING ARTICLE OF CLOTHING POSSIBLE.
Panel 4 (caption): STEP 4: WATCH THE DEVASTATION.
[Clark squeezes an orange stress ball in his fist.] KRNCH! [A mushroom-cloud explosion erupts.] BOOM!
Panel 5:
Off-panel speaker (red-faced figure): JEEZ, LEX THAT'S BRILLIANT!
Lex (hooded figure with glowing red eyes): THANKS. I BELIEVE WE CAN USE PHYSICS TO KILL BATMAN TOO.
Panel 6:
Lex (bald man in pink with a green sash): KINETIC ENERGY. KINETIC ENERGY AND A BULLET.
Other figure (off-panel): HOW?!
Votey:
[Extreme close-up of a gray-faced, hooded figure with glowing red eyes.]
Figure: THAT'S DUMB.
Alt text
A six-panel comic laying out a supervillain plan as numbered steps. Step 1: a tiny yellow 'deuterium capsule' is shown placed inside a large orange sphere ('sponge sphere'). Step 2: a smiling office woman opens a box of orange spheres, exclaiming 'Hey! We got free stress balls!' Step 3: a bald boss tells a bespectacled employee (Clark Kent) he needs to stop wearing distracting ties; the employee deadpans that being told this is 'what's so distracting,' and the boss insists it's the most boring plain gray tie possible. Step 4: Clark squeezes the orange stress ball ('KRNCH!') and it detonates into a mushroom-cloud nuclear blast ('BOOM!'). Panel 5: an admirer says 'Jeez, Lex that's brilliant!' and a hooded, red-eyed Lex Luthor figure replies he believes they can use physics to kill Batman too. Panel 6: a bald man in a pink shirt and green sash raises a finger and says 'Kinetic energy. Kinetic energy and a bullet,' while someone off-panel asks 'How?!' The joke: Lex's elaborate stress-ball nuke is contrasted with the absurdly simple 'shoot him' answer. Votey aftercomic: an extreme close-up of the same gray, hooded, red-eyed figure flatly saying 'That's dumb.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.