2013-05-09
Original: 2013-05-09 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman (with glasses): THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
Panel 2:
Woman: YOU SEE, WHEN A MOMMY AND DADDY LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH, THEY HAVE A SPECIAL KIND OF "TOGETHER-HUG."
Panel 3:
Woman: AND EARLY ON THEY TOGETHER HUG A LOT! BUT OVER TIME TOGETHER-HUGGING BECOMES TIRESOME AND REPETITIVE, SO THEY WOULD RATHER WATCH TV THAN TOGETHER-HUG.
Panel 4:
Woman: BUT, BECAUSE TOGETHER-HUG FREQUENCY IS AN INDICATOR OF RELATIONSHIP HEALTH, THEY HAVE TO FIND WAYS TO MAINTAIN INTEREST.
Panel 5:
Woman: SO, THEY MAKE THE TOGETHER-HUG SCARIER AND SCARIER AND SCARIER.
Panel 6:
Woman: UNTIL ONE AFTERNOON YOU FIND YOURSELF WEARING A VINYL CLOWN SUIT, SITTING IN A BATHTUB FULL OF COCONUT OIL, FLOGGING EACH OTHER WITH A PAIR OF ANTLERS, SHOUTING "CALL ME GRANDPA! CALL ME GRANDPA!"
Panel 7:
Woman: AT WHICH POINT... WAIT, WHAT WAS YOUR QUESTION?
Child (red hair): JUST... JUST WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM.
Woman: I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER ANYMORE.
Votey:
Woman (sketch style): I THINK THERE'S A STORK OR SOMETHING?
Woman (with glasses): THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
Panel 2:
Woman: YOU SEE, WHEN A MOMMY AND DADDY LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH, THEY HAVE A SPECIAL KIND OF "TOGETHER-HUG."
Panel 3:
Woman: AND EARLY ON THEY TOGETHER HUG A LOT! BUT OVER TIME TOGETHER-HUGGING BECOMES TIRESOME AND REPETITIVE, SO THEY WOULD RATHER WATCH TV THAN TOGETHER-HUG.
Panel 4:
Woman: BUT, BECAUSE TOGETHER-HUG FREQUENCY IS AN INDICATOR OF RELATIONSHIP HEALTH, THEY HAVE TO FIND WAYS TO MAINTAIN INTEREST.
Panel 5:
Woman: SO, THEY MAKE THE TOGETHER-HUG SCARIER AND SCARIER AND SCARIER.
Panel 6:
Woman: UNTIL ONE AFTERNOON YOU FIND YOURSELF WEARING A VINYL CLOWN SUIT, SITTING IN A BATHTUB FULL OF COCONUT OIL, FLOGGING EACH OTHER WITH A PAIR OF ANTLERS, SHOUTING "CALL ME GRANDPA! CALL ME GRANDPA!"
Panel 7:
Woman: AT WHICH POINT... WAIT, WHAT WAS YOUR QUESTION?
Child (red hair): JUST... JUST WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM.
Woman: I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER ANYMORE.
Votey:
Woman (sketch style): I THINK THERE'S A STORK OR SOMETHING?
Alt text
A multi-panel comic. A child with red hair asks a woman with glasses a question. The woman says "That's a good question," then launches into an increasingly unhinged explanation: when a mommy and daddy love each other they have a special "together-hug." Early on they together-hug a lot, but over time it gets tiresome and repetitive, so they'd rather watch TV. Because together-hug frequency indicates relationship health, they must find ways to maintain interest, making the together-hug "scarier and scarier and scarier." Her expression grows strained and disturbed as she describes ending up "wearing a vinyl clown suit, sitting in a bathtub full of coconut oil, flogging each other with a pair of antlers, shouting 'Call me grandpa! Call me GRANDPA!'" Drained, she trails off: "At which point... wait, what was your question?" The child clarifies: "Just... just where do babies come from." The traumatized woman replies, "I don't even remember anymore." In the votey aftercomic, rendered in a loose black-and-white sketch, the same woman says "I think there's a stork or something?"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.