2013-01-21
Original: 2013-01-21 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1
Man: Bad news.
Panel 2
Man: I've chosen to take your lack of interest in me as a clever ruse to lure me into the romantic relationship I've depthed for several months now!
Woman: Oh god oh no.
Panel 3
Man: But it's not the case -- I just find you completely unappealing. There isn't anything complex here.
Woman: Hey! Huh-a... You think this is easy for me?
Panel 4
Man: I'm going to be out of the dating market for at least two, possibly up to five, YEARS.
Panel 5
Woman: But...
Man: And let's not forget the time and money involved in learning multiple new languages with you every single day, and sending you many cards! Do you think uncommitted romantic dirts buy themselves?!
Panel 6
Man: And what if you leave town? Then I have to coincidentally find a nearby job, probably at a pay cut. Do you think that'll be easy for me?
Woman: No, but--
Panel 7
Man: Listen. We can dream this all day or we can treat it like the minor natural disaster it is. Pick it up so we can get aside, and then pick up the pieces like mature adults.
Woman: I think--
Panel 8
Woman: Fuck!
Man: All right. Where do we start?
Panel 9
Man: I got you this vial of my blood for Valentine's day.
Woman: I already have a boyfriend.
Man: I made him one too.
Votey:
Man: Also, Valentine's is 6 months from now.
Woman: Not if it's EVERY DAY!
Man: Bad news.
Panel 2
Man: I've chosen to take your lack of interest in me as a clever ruse to lure me into the romantic relationship I've depthed for several months now!
Woman: Oh god oh no.
Panel 3
Man: But it's not the case -- I just find you completely unappealing. There isn't anything complex here.
Woman: Hey! Huh-a... You think this is easy for me?
Panel 4
Man: I'm going to be out of the dating market for at least two, possibly up to five, YEARS.
Panel 5
Woman: But...
Man: And let's not forget the time and money involved in learning multiple new languages with you every single day, and sending you many cards! Do you think uncommitted romantic dirts buy themselves?!
Panel 6
Man: And what if you leave town? Then I have to coincidentally find a nearby job, probably at a pay cut. Do you think that'll be easy for me?
Woman: No, but--
Panel 7
Man: Listen. We can dream this all day or we can treat it like the minor natural disaster it is. Pick it up so we can get aside, and then pick up the pieces like mature adults.
Woman: I think--
Panel 8
Woman: Fuck!
Man: All right. Where do we start?
Panel 9
Man: I got you this vial of my blood for Valentine's day.
Woman: I already have a boyfriend.
Man: I made him one too.
Votey:
Man: Also, Valentine's is 6 months from now.
Woman: Not if it's EVERY DAY!
Alt text
A tall black-paneled SMBC comic. A nervous man with reddish hair confronts a brown-haired woman. He announces "Bad news," then declares he has chosen to interpret her total lack of interest in him as a clever ruse to lure him into a romantic relationship; she reacts with horror ("Oh god oh no"). He insists it isn't a ruse -- he simply finds her completely unappealing, "there isn't anything complex here" -- while she sputters that this isn't easy for her either. He launches into an escalating, self-pitying monologue treating the imagined breakup as a logistical disaster: he'll be off the dating market for two to five years, he's invested time and money learning new languages and buying cards, and he frets she might leave town forcing him to find a lower-paying job nearby. He urges they handle it "like mature adults" and clean up the mess, prompting the woman to shout "Fuck!" as he calmly asks where to start. In the final panel he presents her a vial of his blood as a Valentine's gift; she says she already has a boyfriend, and he replies, "I made him one too." Votey: a single hand-drawn panel where the man says "Also, Valentine's is 6 months from now," and the woman, leaning in with an intense expression, replies, "Not if it's EVERY DAY!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.