2012-10-11
Original: 2012-10-11 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Patent clerk (a person with light hair holding a quill): Oh, hi Mister Newton.
Newton (a man with long dark hair, addressed as Newton): I'm here to patent infinitesimal calculus for solutions to physics problems.
Panel 2:
Newton: Don't bother reading the claim because you won't understand. Just accept that it's over your head and grant me control over it.
Panel 3:
Clerk: All right, you will own the rights for seven years, at which point they will expire.
Panel 4:
Newton: Nope. I now have a patent on systems changing with respect to time. Therefore, if you expire my patent, you're violating my patent.
Panel 5:
Clerk: I'm just gonna go grab the manager.
Newton: If you use momentum to get there, you owe me royalties.
Votey:
Newton (leaning in): I also own your instantaneous hesitation.
Patent clerk (a person with light hair holding a quill): Oh, hi Mister Newton.
Newton (a man with long dark hair, addressed as Newton): I'm here to patent infinitesimal calculus for solutions to physics problems.
Panel 2:
Newton: Don't bother reading the claim because you won't understand. Just accept that it's over your head and grant me control over it.
Panel 3:
Clerk: All right, you will own the rights for seven years, at which point they will expire.
Panel 4:
Newton: Nope. I now have a patent on systems changing with respect to time. Therefore, if you expire my patent, you're violating my patent.
Panel 5:
Clerk: I'm just gonna go grab the manager.
Newton: If you use momentum to get there, you owe me royalties.
Votey:
Newton (leaning in): I also own your instantaneous hesitation.
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic. A patent clerk with light hair, holding a quill, greets a long-haired man identified as Newton. Newton says he's there to patent infinitesimal calculus for solutions to physics problems, then demands the clerk just grant him control without reading the claim because it's over the clerk's head. The clerk agrees Newton will own the rights for seven years, after which they expire. Newton refuses, saying he now holds a patent on "systems changing with respect to time," so expiring his patent would itself violate his patent. The frustrated clerk says he's going to go grab the manager; Newton warns that if the clerk uses momentum to get there, he owes royalties. Votey aftercomic: a close-up of Newton's smug face as he adds, "I also own your instantaneous hesitation" — a calculus pun playing on derivatives and instantaneous rates of change.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.