2012-08-06
Original: 2012-08-06 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A man grins menacingly at a frightened child.
Man: OUT YER NOSE?
Child: HAHA HA!!
Panel 2: The man looms over the child.
Man: YOUR NOSE IS ON ITS WAY TO AN UNDISCLOSED BUNKER IN MONGOLIA.
Child: G-G3O?
Panel 3: The man points threateningly.
Man: EVEN IF YOU CAN BRIBE A LOCAL OFFICIAL TO SHOW YOU THE WAY, YOU MUST STILL BEAT A PATH THROUGH THOSE FORESTS AND MOUNTAINS.
Panel 4: Close on the man's pointing finger and snarling face.
Man: MY SPIES LURK IN EVERY SHADOW AND BEAM OF LIGHT, ELUDING THEM IS NOT A POSSIBILITY. OF COURSE YOU COULD KILL YOUR WAY THERE BUT YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU'VE GOT THE STONE COLD BRASS CHE'S TO KILL THAT MANY STRANGERS, LITTLE MAN.
Panel 5: The man continues his rant.
Man: AND IF YOU SOMEHOW MANAGE TO CUT A TRAIL OF BLOOD FROM HERE TO BAYANKHONGOR, YOU'LL STILL HAVE TO NAVIGATE A MAZE OF CONCRETE MIRRORS, AND TRAPS DEVISED BY EX-SOVIET MECHANICS WHOSE ONLY MENTAL SATIATION IS THE SUFFERING OF WESTERNERS.
Panel 6: Extreme close-up of the man's eye and face.
Man: THERE, IN A SPHERE MADE OF HYPERDIAMOND COATED IN NITROGEN TEFLON AND MOTHERED SHALALON, IS YOUR PRECIOUS NOSE.
Panel 7: A small silhouetted figure confronts the looming man.
Figure: SO, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?!
Man: IT GEN RICK
Figure: NOOOOOOOOO!!!
Panel 8: The man laughs wildly.
Man: Hahaha haha, ha hahaa!
Panel 9: A child sits at a desk; a teacher-like figure addresses him.
Other: YOU GUYS ARE WEIRD.
Man: YOU'RE JUST MAD BECAUSE YOUR NOSE IS TRAPPED IN MY UNDERSEA ELECTRO-VORTEX!
Votey:
Caption banner: 20 YEARS LATER...
A woman looks at a man who is cupping his nose with his hand.
Woman: WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS CUPPING YOUR NOSE LIKE THAT?
Man: I... DON'T KNOW.
Man: OUT YER NOSE?
Child: HAHA HA!!
Panel 2: The man looms over the child.
Man: YOUR NOSE IS ON ITS WAY TO AN UNDISCLOSED BUNKER IN MONGOLIA.
Child: G-G3O?
Panel 3: The man points threateningly.
Man: EVEN IF YOU CAN BRIBE A LOCAL OFFICIAL TO SHOW YOU THE WAY, YOU MUST STILL BEAT A PATH THROUGH THOSE FORESTS AND MOUNTAINS.
Panel 4: Close on the man's pointing finger and snarling face.
Man: MY SPIES LURK IN EVERY SHADOW AND BEAM OF LIGHT, ELUDING THEM IS NOT A POSSIBILITY. OF COURSE YOU COULD KILL YOUR WAY THERE BUT YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU'VE GOT THE STONE COLD BRASS CHE'S TO KILL THAT MANY STRANGERS, LITTLE MAN.
Panel 5: The man continues his rant.
Man: AND IF YOU SOMEHOW MANAGE TO CUT A TRAIL OF BLOOD FROM HERE TO BAYANKHONGOR, YOU'LL STILL HAVE TO NAVIGATE A MAZE OF CONCRETE MIRRORS, AND TRAPS DEVISED BY EX-SOVIET MECHANICS WHOSE ONLY MENTAL SATIATION IS THE SUFFERING OF WESTERNERS.
Panel 6: Extreme close-up of the man's eye and face.
Man: THERE, IN A SPHERE MADE OF HYPERDIAMOND COATED IN NITROGEN TEFLON AND MOTHERED SHALALON, IS YOUR PRECIOUS NOSE.
Panel 7: A small silhouetted figure confronts the looming man.
Figure: SO, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?!
Man: IT GEN RICK
Figure: NOOOOOOOOO!!!
Panel 8: The man laughs wildly.
Man: Hahaha haha, ha hahaa!
Panel 9: A child sits at a desk; a teacher-like figure addresses him.
Other: YOU GUYS ARE WEIRD.
Man: YOU'RE JUST MAD BECAUSE YOUR NOSE IS TRAPPED IN MY UNDERSEA ELECTRO-VORTEX!
Votey:
Caption banner: 20 YEARS LATER...
A woman looks at a man who is cupping his nose with his hand.
Woman: WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS CUPPING YOUR NOSE LIKE THAT?
Man: I... DON'T KNOW.
Alt text
A black-bordered SMBC comic. A wild-eyed man menaces a frightened child with an elaborate, escalating threat about having stolen the child's nose. He cackles "HAHA HA!!" then declares the nose is on its way to an undisclosed bunker in Mongolia. Over several panels of increasingly intense close-ups, he rants that even if the child bribes a local official, beats a path through forests and mountains, evades his omnipresent spies, kills his way to Bayankhongor, and navigates a maze of concrete mirrors and ex-Soviet traps, the nose still sits in a sphere of hyperdiamond coated in nitrogen teflon and "mothered shalalon." A small silhouetted figure interrupts, demanding "SO, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?!" and the man laughs maniacally. In the final panel a third person at a desk says "YOU GUYS ARE WEIRD," and the man insists "YOU'RE JUST MAD BECAUSE YOUR NOSE IS TRAPPED IN MY UNDERSEA ELECTRO-VORTEX!" The whole bit is the classic adult "I got your nose" game taken to absurd extremes. Votey (a small bonus panel): a banner reads "20 YEARS LATER..." A woman asks a grown man, "WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS CUPPING YOUR NOSE LIKE THAT?" He cups his nose protectively and answers, "I... DON'T KNOW" - the childhood nose-stealing terror left a lasting compulsion.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.