2012-03-28
Original: 2012-03-28 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A man stands at a pulpit/podium, looking up toward a figure in a flowing robe.
Man at podium: DID I MAKE IT?
Panel 2:
Robed figure: PARTIALLY.
Man: PARTIALLY?
Panel 3:
Robed figure: YOUR HINDBRAIN, WHICH FOCUSED MOSTLY ON SEX AND AGGRESSION, WILL BE SENT TO HELL.
Panel 4:
Robed figure: YOUR MIDBRAIN WAS SIMPLY DOING ITS DUTY TO KEEP YOUR BODY RUNNING, SO IT SHALL ENJOY ETERNAL LIFE IN HEAVEN.
Panel 5:
Robed figure: LET'S SEE... AH... YOUR FOREBRAIN, THE SEAT OF YOUR PERSONALITY, INTENDED TO COMMIT ALL MANNER OF DEVIANT SEX AND VIOLENCE.
Panel 6:
Man: BUT THE REST OF MY BODY DIDN'T GET TO ACT OUT ANY OF IT!
Robed figure: AND SO, YOUR EXTRACRANIAL BODY SHALL HAVE A PLACE IN HEAVEN.
Panel 7: Close-up of the man's face, distressed and sweating, as he absorbs the verdict. (No dialogue.)
Panel 8: A fiery hellscape of lava and skulls. (No dialogue.)
Panel 9: A serene heaven with a waterfall and green hills, where several nude human bodies recline peacefully on the clouds. The body in the foreground has its mouth agape. (No dialogue.)
Votey:
Panel 1: A man's head asks: WHERE DOES THE SOUL GO?
Panel 2: A reply from off-panel (the robed figure's hand gesturing): THE WHAT?
Man at podium: DID I MAKE IT?
Panel 2:
Robed figure: PARTIALLY.
Man: PARTIALLY?
Panel 3:
Robed figure: YOUR HINDBRAIN, WHICH FOCUSED MOSTLY ON SEX AND AGGRESSION, WILL BE SENT TO HELL.
Panel 4:
Robed figure: YOUR MIDBRAIN WAS SIMPLY DOING ITS DUTY TO KEEP YOUR BODY RUNNING, SO IT SHALL ENJOY ETERNAL LIFE IN HEAVEN.
Panel 5:
Robed figure: LET'S SEE... AH... YOUR FOREBRAIN, THE SEAT OF YOUR PERSONALITY, INTENDED TO COMMIT ALL MANNER OF DEVIANT SEX AND VIOLENCE.
Panel 6:
Man: BUT THE REST OF MY BODY DIDN'T GET TO ACT OUT ANY OF IT!
Robed figure: AND SO, YOUR EXTRACRANIAL BODY SHALL HAVE A PLACE IN HEAVEN.
Panel 7: Close-up of the man's face, distressed and sweating, as he absorbs the verdict. (No dialogue.)
Panel 8: A fiery hellscape of lava and skulls. (No dialogue.)
Panel 9: A serene heaven with a waterfall and green hills, where several nude human bodies recline peacefully on the clouds. The body in the foreground has its mouth agape. (No dialogue.)
Votey:
Panel 1: A man's head asks: WHERE DOES THE SOUL GO?
Panel 2: A reply from off-panel (the robed figure's hand gesturing): THE WHAT?
Alt text
An SMBC comic. A man stands at a pulpit before a robed afterlife judge and asks, "Did I make it?" The judge replies, "Partially." He explains the verdict brain region by brain region: the hindbrain, focused on sex and aggression, goes to hell; the midbrain, which simply kept the body running, earns eternal life in heaven; the forebrain, the seat of personality, intended all manner of deviant sex and violence. The man protests, "But the rest of my body didn't get to act out any of it!" The judge concludes, "And so, your extracranial body shall have a place in heaven." A close-up shows the man's sweating, distressed face. Then two contrasting scenes: a fiery hellscape of lava and skulls, and a peaceful heaven with a waterfall where several nude headless-feeling human bodies recline on the clouds. The joke: the body is split up by anatomy, the brain damned and the dumb obedient body saved. Votey: a man asks, "Where does the soul go?" and the judge, baffled, answers, "The what?" implying there is no soul in this accounting at all.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.