2012-02-02
Original: 2012-02-02 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (politician at podium):
Politician: We need to stop internet piracy, so we should give the government the right to shut down questionable websites.
Red banner: BUT THIS IS INSANE?
Panel 2 (a police officer / official addressing a shopkeeper):
Official: We're shutting down your business until further notice.
Shopkeeper: What?? Why?
Official: The shop next door said your products are similar to theirs.
Red banner: WHY IS THIS REASONABLE?
Politician: We're keeping everyone's email, but we'll only look at it if we think someone is a criminal.
Red banner: BUT THIS IS UNIMAGINABLE?
Panel 3 (a person reading a letter):
Letter text: Your letter was opened and its contents were scanned. We promise we first read it unless we need to. By the way, congratulations on your active sex life.
Red banner: WHY IS THIS PRUDENT...
Politician: We want to monitor your downloads and behaviors online to protect the children.
Red banner: BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS?
Panel 4 (police officers at a man's door):
Police officer: We're searching your house to make sure you don't have child porn.
Man: Do you have a warrant?
Police officer: What're you, a pedophile?
Red banner (closing caption): FUN FACT: PEOPLE ARE CITIZENS WHILE ON THE INTERNET TOO
Votey:
Handwritten sign text: NEW LAW: CONGRESS MEMBERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO VOTE. HOW DO WE KNOW THEY WON'T VOTE FOR CHILD PORN?
Politician: We need to stop internet piracy, so we should give the government the right to shut down questionable websites.
Red banner: BUT THIS IS INSANE?
Panel 2 (a police officer / official addressing a shopkeeper):
Official: We're shutting down your business until further notice.
Shopkeeper: What?? Why?
Official: The shop next door said your products are similar to theirs.
Red banner: WHY IS THIS REASONABLE?
Politician: We're keeping everyone's email, but we'll only look at it if we think someone is a criminal.
Red banner: BUT THIS IS UNIMAGINABLE?
Panel 3 (a person reading a letter):
Letter text: Your letter was opened and its contents were scanned. We promise we first read it unless we need to. By the way, congratulations on your active sex life.
Red banner: WHY IS THIS PRUDENT...
Politician: We want to monitor your downloads and behaviors online to protect the children.
Red banner: BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS?
Panel 4 (police officers at a man's door):
Police officer: We're searching your house to make sure you don't have child porn.
Man: Do you have a warrant?
Police officer: What're you, a pedophile?
Red banner (closing caption): FUN FACT: PEOPLE ARE CITIZENS WHILE ON THE INTERNET TOO
Votey:
Handwritten sign text: NEW LAW: CONGRESS MEMBERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO VOTE. HOW DO WE KNOW THEY WON'T VOTE FOR CHILD PORN?
Alt text
A vertical SMBC comic arguing that intrusive internet-surveillance laws would be obviously absurd if applied to the physical world. It alternates between a smiling politician at a podium proposing online policies and red banners that reframe each one, followed by a real-world scene showing how ridiculous the equivalent would be. First the politician says we should give the government the right to shut down 'questionable' websites to stop piracy; the real-world version shows an official shutting down a shopkeeper's business simply because a competitor said their products were 'similar.' Next the politician says they'll keep everyone's email but only look at it if they suspect a criminal; the real-world version shows a person reading a letter stamped that it was opened and scanned, with a sarcastic 'congratulations on your active sex life.' Finally the politician says they want to monitor downloads and online behavior 'to protect the children'; the real-world version shows police barging into a man's home to search for child porn, and when he asks for a warrant, an officer snaps 'What're you, a pedophile?' A closing red banner reads: 'FUN FACT: PEOPLE ARE CITIZENS WHILE ON THE INTERNET TOO.' The votey is a handwritten sign reading: 'NEW LAW: CONGRESS MEMBERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO VOTE. HOW DO WE KNOW THEY WON'T VOTE FOR CHILD PORN?'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.