2011-04-24
Original: 2011-04-24 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (graph, "Figure 1"): A line graph. Y-axis label: DIFFICULTY OF BEARD REMOVAL. X-axis label: BEARD LENGTH, with logarithmic tick marks: 1mm, 10mm, 10²mm, 10³mm, 10⁴mm. The blue curve is a sigmoid (S-curve): low and flat near short beard lengths, rising steeply around the 10mm–10²mm range, then leveling off high.
Panel 2: A bearded man with eyes closed, holding an electric razor, sits in bed. A dark-skinned woman is seen from behind in the foreground. Man: "I'M SORRY. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO SHAVE ANY MORE. SEE FIGURE 2."
Panel 3 (graph, "Figure 2"): A line graph. Y-axis label: DESIRE TO SHAVE. X-axis label: BEARD LENGTH, same logarithmic ticks (1mm, 10mm, 10²mm, 10³mm, 10⁴mm). The red curve is a sharp narrow spike (resonance peak) centered around the 10mm mark, near zero everywhere else.
Panel 4: Close-up of the bearded man, looking pained, clenching a fist, against a red speech-bubble background. Man: "I ACCIDENTALLY PASSED THROUGH THE \"ITCHY PEAK\" WHILE YOU WERE AWAY..."
Panel 5: The bearded man with a sad expression; a white silhouette of the woman stands behind him. Man: "NOW IT'S TOO LATE."
Panel 6: The man (in profile, foreground) faces the woman in a green top. Man: "SOME THINGS IN LIFE CAN'T BE UNDONE. THIS IS AMONG THEM. I'M SORRY, MY LOVE... YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY FACE AGAIN." Woman: "OR I COULD LEAVE YOU."
Panel 7: The man stands at a bathroom sink looking into a mirror, holding the razor to his cheek. His reflection shows a face with a beard. Man: "LOVE IS BULLSHIT."
Votey: A hand-drawn line graph in a captioned box. Caption (title): "CAMPING TRIP: THE QUANTUM TUNNELING OF BEARD GROWTH". Y-axis label: DESIRE TO SHAVE. X-axis label: BEARD LENGTH. The curve is a sharp central spike (a resonance peak) with a small arrow drawn at the base of the peak pointing rightward, indicating the desire-to-shave "tunneling" past the peak.
Panel 2: A bearded man with eyes closed, holding an electric razor, sits in bed. A dark-skinned woman is seen from behind in the foreground. Man: "I'M SORRY. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO SHAVE ANY MORE. SEE FIGURE 2."
Panel 3 (graph, "Figure 2"): A line graph. Y-axis label: DESIRE TO SHAVE. X-axis label: BEARD LENGTH, same logarithmic ticks (1mm, 10mm, 10²mm, 10³mm, 10⁴mm). The red curve is a sharp narrow spike (resonance peak) centered around the 10mm mark, near zero everywhere else.
Panel 4: Close-up of the bearded man, looking pained, clenching a fist, against a red speech-bubble background. Man: "I ACCIDENTALLY PASSED THROUGH THE \"ITCHY PEAK\" WHILE YOU WERE AWAY..."
Panel 5: The bearded man with a sad expression; a white silhouette of the woman stands behind him. Man: "NOW IT'S TOO LATE."
Panel 6: The man (in profile, foreground) faces the woman in a green top. Man: "SOME THINGS IN LIFE CAN'T BE UNDONE. THIS IS AMONG THEM. I'M SORRY, MY LOVE... YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY FACE AGAIN." Woman: "OR I COULD LEAVE YOU."
Panel 7: The man stands at a bathroom sink looking into a mirror, holding the razor to his cheek. His reflection shows a face with a beard. Man: "LOVE IS BULLSHIT."
Votey: A hand-drawn line graph in a captioned box. Caption (title): "CAMPING TRIP: THE QUANTUM TUNNELING OF BEARD GROWTH". Y-axis label: DESIRE TO SHAVE. X-axis label: BEARD LENGTH. The curve is a sharp central spike (a resonance peak) with a small arrow drawn at the base of the peak pointing rightward, indicating the desire-to-shave "tunneling" past the peak.
Alt text
A tall SMBC comic about beards as a physics metaphor. Panel 1 is a graph titled by its axes: 'Difficulty of beard removal' (y-axis) versus 'Beard length' on a log scale (1mm to 10,000mm); the blue curve is an S-shape that rises steeply at medium lengths. Panel 2: a bearded man holding an electric razor in bed tells a woman, 'I'm sorry. It doesn't make sense to shave any more. See Figure 2.' Panel 3 is a second graph, 'Desire to shave' versus 'Beard length,' showing a sharp red spike (a resonance peak) at a short-to-medium length and near zero elsewhere. Panel 4: the anguished man clenches a fist and says, 'I accidentally passed through the "itchy peak" while you were away...' Panel 5: the man looks sad as a ghostly white silhouette of the woman stands behind him; he says, 'Now it's too late.' Panel 6: facing the woman, he declares, 'Some things in life can't be undone. This is among them. I'm sorry, my love... you will never see my face again,' and she flatly replies, 'Or I could leave you.' Panel 7: he stares into a bathroom mirror, razor to his bearded cheek, and says, 'Love is bullshit.' The joke treats his unstoppable beard growth like a one-way physics process he supposedly can't reverse, and the woman puncturing it with the obvious option. Votey: a hand-drawn graph captioned 'Camping trip: the quantum tunneling of beard growth,' plotting 'Desire to shave' against 'Beard length' as a tall central spike with a small arrow at its base pointing right, joking that the desire to shave 'quantum tunnels' past the peak.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.