2011-04-23
Original: 2011-04-23 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (text only on white):
You are a tiny speck dwarfed by even the tiniest objects in the heavens.
Sincerely,
The Universe
Panel 2 (a man):
Man: Well, that's sad.
Panel 3 (handwritten reply):
Dear Human,
Your slightest actions cause chain-reactions that propagate forward, eventually reaching all of space and time.
Sincerely,
Chaos Theory
Panel 4 (the man):
Man: That's good!
Panel 5 (text reply):
Dear human, Your 'actions' are merely the result of your chemical structure at a given time.
Sincerely,
Causality
Panel 6 (the man):
Man: That's sad.
Panel 7 (text reply):
Dear human,
Causality is LYING. Also not lying. Also a superposition of lying and not lying.
Sincerely,
Quantum Mechanics
Panel 8 (the man):
Man: Okay.
Panel 9 (handwritten reply):
Dear Human...
We've invented lots of neat things by the abstract low-from-the-void of meaning. But it is excellent.
Sincerely,
Art
Panel 10 (the man, smiling):
Man: Ooh!
Panel 11 (large handwritten text):
Dear human,
EXISTENCE IS VOID OF MEANING!
Sincerely,
Postmodernism (Yo, I won't shut up.)
Panel 12 (the man, looking distraught):
Man: I'm gonna end it all!
Panel 13 (large text reply):
Dear human, no you aren't. You're not programmed to.
Sincerely,
EVOLUTION
Panel 14 (the man):
Man: Okay! Then I'll descend into hedonism!
Panel 15 (small text reply):
Dear human,
You can't afford it.
Sincerely,
Economics
Panel 16 (the man at a desk, writing/working):
The man writes a reply:
'Dear reality,
I'm now a neo-isolated reality where I'm in charge and everything works the way I like.'
Panel 17 (text reply):
Dear Human,
Welcome to the Club.
Sincerely,
God
Panel 18 (the man, looking down at his work).
Votey:
A hand-drawn line graph. Title on the y-axis: AVERAGE PANELS PER COMIC. The x-axis runs from 2005 to 2010 to 2015. A legend shows a solid line labeled ACTUAL and a dashed line labeled PROJECTED. The actual line stays nearly flat and low through about 2009, then begins curving upward; the projected dashed line continues from there, shooting up steeply toward 2015.
You are a tiny speck dwarfed by even the tiniest objects in the heavens.
Sincerely,
The Universe
Panel 2 (a man):
Man: Well, that's sad.
Panel 3 (handwritten reply):
Dear Human,
Your slightest actions cause chain-reactions that propagate forward, eventually reaching all of space and time.
Sincerely,
Chaos Theory
Panel 4 (the man):
Man: That's good!
Panel 5 (text reply):
Dear human, Your 'actions' are merely the result of your chemical structure at a given time.
Sincerely,
Causality
Panel 6 (the man):
Man: That's sad.
Panel 7 (text reply):
Dear human,
Causality is LYING. Also not lying. Also a superposition of lying and not lying.
Sincerely,
Quantum Mechanics
Panel 8 (the man):
Man: Okay.
Panel 9 (handwritten reply):
Dear Human...
We've invented lots of neat things by the abstract low-from-the-void of meaning. But it is excellent.
Sincerely,
Art
Panel 10 (the man, smiling):
Man: Ooh!
Panel 11 (large handwritten text):
Dear human,
EXISTENCE IS VOID OF MEANING!
Sincerely,
Postmodernism (Yo, I won't shut up.)
Panel 12 (the man, looking distraught):
Man: I'm gonna end it all!
Panel 13 (large text reply):
Dear human, no you aren't. You're not programmed to.
Sincerely,
EVOLUTION
Panel 14 (the man):
Man: Okay! Then I'll descend into hedonism!
Panel 15 (small text reply):
Dear human,
You can't afford it.
Sincerely,
Economics
Panel 16 (the man at a desk, writing/working):
The man writes a reply:
'Dear reality,
I'm now a neo-isolated reality where I'm in charge and everything works the way I like.'
Panel 17 (text reply):
Dear Human,
Welcome to the Club.
Sincerely,
God
Panel 18 (the man, looking down at his work).
Votey:
A hand-drawn line graph. Title on the y-axis: AVERAGE PANELS PER COMIC. The x-axis runs from 2005 to 2010 to 2015. A legend shows a solid line labeled ACTUAL and a dashed line labeled PROJECTED. The actual line stays nearly flat and low through about 2009, then begins curving upward; the projected dashed line continues from there, shooting up steeply toward 2015.
Alt text
A very tall multi-panel SMBC comic in which a man receives a series of letters, each from a grand abstract concept, alternating with his short reactions. The Universe writes that he is a tiny speck; he says 'Well, that's sad.' Chaos Theory writes that his slightest actions ripple across all space and time; he says 'That's good!' Causality writes that his actions are just his chemical structure; he says 'That's sad.' Quantum Mechanics writes that Causality is lying, and also not lying, and also a superposition of both; he says 'Okay.' Art writes that meaning may come from the void but is excellent; he says 'Ooh!' Postmodernism writes in big letters that EXISTENCE IS VOID OF MEANING and won't shut up; distraught, he says 'I'm gonna end it all!' EVOLUTION writes back, 'No you aren't. You're not programmed to.' He says 'Okay! Then I'll descend into hedonism!' Economics replies that he can't afford it. Finally the man sits at a desk and writes his own letter declaring a new isolated reality where he's in charge and everything works the way he likes. God writes back: 'Welcome to the Club.' The man looks down, defeated. Votey: a hand-drawn line graph titled 'Average Panels Per Comic,' x-axis 2005 to 2015, with a flat solid 'actual' line that suddenly curves upward and a dashed 'projected' line shooting steeply toward 2015 — joking that SMBC comics keep getting longer.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.