2011-01-05
Original: 2011-01-05 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption): WE REALIZED OVERPOPULATION WAS A PROBLEM.
(Image: a vast crowd of identical blank-faced blue people packed together.)
Panel 2 (caption): TO FIX IT, WE FOUND THOSE PEOPLE MOST OPPOSED TO HAVING CHILDREN AND CONVINCED THEM TO HAVE AS MANY BABIES AS POSSIBLE.
A grinning baby: IT'S A BOY!
A woman (the mother): JUST WRAP IT UP AND STICK IT IN THE CAR.
Panel 3 (caption): BY THE TIME WE REALIZED OUR MISTAKE... IT WAS TOO LATE.
(Image: a line graph. Y-axis: PREVALENCE. X-axis: TIME.)
Legend:
- red line: pro-kids genes (BABEEZWOO)
- blue line: anti-kids genes (BABEEZBOO)
- yellow line: spitefully-agree-to-have-kids genes (BABEEZOKFINEWHTVR)
The red (pro-kids) line starts high and declines; the blue (anti-kids) line starts moderate and declines; the yellow (spiteful) line starts low and rises sharply to dominate by the end.
Panel 4 (caption): BUT, AT LEAST IT CUT DOWN ON IDLE SENTIMENTALISM
A young man lying in bed: FUCK YOU, DAD.
The father, leaning in through a doorway: EAT SHIT, CHILD.
Votey:
Handwritten note:
Dear reader:
No need to send a "that's not how genes work" email.
Please enjoy this amusingly googly-eyed DNA.
(Image: a doodle of a DNA double helix with two cartoon googly eyes.)
(Image: a vast crowd of identical blank-faced blue people packed together.)
Panel 2 (caption): TO FIX IT, WE FOUND THOSE PEOPLE MOST OPPOSED TO HAVING CHILDREN AND CONVINCED THEM TO HAVE AS MANY BABIES AS POSSIBLE.
A grinning baby: IT'S A BOY!
A woman (the mother): JUST WRAP IT UP AND STICK IT IN THE CAR.
Panel 3 (caption): BY THE TIME WE REALIZED OUR MISTAKE... IT WAS TOO LATE.
(Image: a line graph. Y-axis: PREVALENCE. X-axis: TIME.)
Legend:
- red line: pro-kids genes (BABEEZWOO)
- blue line: anti-kids genes (BABEEZBOO)
- yellow line: spitefully-agree-to-have-kids genes (BABEEZOKFINEWHTVR)
The red (pro-kids) line starts high and declines; the blue (anti-kids) line starts moderate and declines; the yellow (spiteful) line starts low and rises sharply to dominate by the end.
Panel 4 (caption): BUT, AT LEAST IT CUT DOWN ON IDLE SENTIMENTALISM
A young man lying in bed: FUCK YOU, DAD.
The father, leaning in through a doorway: EAT SHIT, CHILD.
Votey:
Handwritten note:
Dear reader:
No need to send a "that's not how genes work" email.
Please enjoy this amusingly googly-eyed DNA.
(Image: a doodle of a DNA double helix with two cartoon googly eyes.)
Alt text
A four-part SMBC comic narrating an overpopulation-fix scheme gone wrong. Panel 1, caption "We realized overpopulation was a problem," shows a huge crowd of identical blank-faced blue people. Panel 2, caption "To fix it, we found those people most opposed to having children and convinced them to have as many babies as possible," shows a grinning baby saying "It's a boy!" while a glum mother says "Just wrap it up and stick it in the car." Panel 3, caption "By the time we realized our mistake... it was too late," shows a line graph of Prevalence vs. Time with three gene lines: red pro-kids genes (BABEEZWOO) and blue anti-kids genes (BABEEZBOO) both declining, while yellow spitefully-agree-to-have-kids genes (BABEEZOKFINEWHTVR) rise sharply to take over. Panel 4, caption "But, at least it cut down on idle sentimentalism," shows a young man in bed saying "Fuck you, Dad," and his father leaning through the doorway replying "Eat shit, child" -- a population now genetically wired for spiteful family love. The votey is a handwritten note: "Dear reader: No need to send a 'that's not how genes work' email. Please enjoy this amusingly googly-eyed DNA," beside a doodle of a DNA double helix with two cartoon googly eyes.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.