2011-01-02
Original: 2011-01-02 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A female teacher stands at a green chalkboard that reads "The Great Gatsby / Week 4". She holds an open book. A red-haired student raises a hand among the seated class.
Teacher: YES, BOBBY?
Panel 2: Close-up on the red-haired student (Bobby).
Bobby: CAN WE START READING ANOTHER BOOK?
Panel 3: Close-up on the teacher, glasses glinting.
Teacher: NO. THAT'S NOT HOW ENGLISH CLASS WORKS.
Panel 4: The teacher gestures, smiling.
Teacher: WHAT WE CAN DO IS PRETEND THE BOOK IS A TOWERING RIDDLE OF SYMBOLOGY DESIGNED TO OBFUSCATE A CENTRAL THEME SO SIMPLISTIC THAT IT CAN BE EXPRESSED IN A SINGLE PARAGRAPH DURING A ONE-HOUR MIDTERM.
Panel 5: Close-up on Bobby looking flat and unamused.
Panel 6: The teacher leans toward Bobby, glasses reflecting light, looming over him.
Teacher: GOTCHA. GOTCHA.
Panel 7: Caption banner: LATER, IN COLLEGE...
A now-older Bobby sits with a book in front of him, looking weary.
Bobby: MAN... I HATE NOVELS.
A woman with a backpack approaches, delighted.
Woman: WOW, YOU TOO?!
Votey:
Caption: RELATED:
The teacher (in black-and-white) speaks.
Teacher: ALL MATH IS REPETITIVE ARITHMETIC PROBLEMS!
Teacher: YES, BOBBY?
Panel 2: Close-up on the red-haired student (Bobby).
Bobby: CAN WE START READING ANOTHER BOOK?
Panel 3: Close-up on the teacher, glasses glinting.
Teacher: NO. THAT'S NOT HOW ENGLISH CLASS WORKS.
Panel 4: The teacher gestures, smiling.
Teacher: WHAT WE CAN DO IS PRETEND THE BOOK IS A TOWERING RIDDLE OF SYMBOLOGY DESIGNED TO OBFUSCATE A CENTRAL THEME SO SIMPLISTIC THAT IT CAN BE EXPRESSED IN A SINGLE PARAGRAPH DURING A ONE-HOUR MIDTERM.
Panel 5: Close-up on Bobby looking flat and unamused.
Panel 6: The teacher leans toward Bobby, glasses reflecting light, looming over him.
Teacher: GOTCHA. GOTCHA.
Panel 7: Caption banner: LATER, IN COLLEGE...
A now-older Bobby sits with a book in front of him, looking weary.
Bobby: MAN... I HATE NOVELS.
A woman with a backpack approaches, delighted.
Woman: WOW, YOU TOO?!
Votey:
Caption: RELATED:
The teacher (in black-and-white) speaks.
Teacher: ALL MATH IS REPETITIVE ARITHMETIC PROBLEMS!
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. An English teacher stands at a chalkboard reading "The Great Gatsby, Week 4" and calls on a raised hand: "Yes, Bobby?" The red-haired student Bobby asks, "Can we start reading another book?" The teacher replies, "No. That's not how English class works." She then gestures and explains: "What we CAN do is pretend the book is a towering riddle of symbology designed to obfuscate a central theme so simplistic that it can be expressed in a single paragraph during a one-hour midterm." Bobby stares back, deadpan. The teacher leans in close, glasses gleaming menacingly: "Gotcha. Gotcha." Final panel, captioned "Later, in college...": an older, weary Bobby sits with a book and says, "Man... I hate novels," while a cheerful woman with a backpack approaches and exclaims, "Wow, you too?!" The joke is that forcing students to over-analyze literature breeds lifelong hatred of reading. Votey (black-and-white aftercomic), captioned "Related:": the same teacher declares, "All math is repetitive arithmetic problems!" extending the gag to math education.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.