2010-10-26
Original: 2010-10-26 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption above a line graph):
THE LAW OF COMPUTER BLOAT SAYS THAT, NO MATTER HOW FAST A CPU GOES, NEW SOFTWARE WILL HAVE SO MUCH UNNECESSARY CRAP THAT YOUR COMPUTER WILL NEVER RUN AS FAST AS IT COULD.
Graph legend:
[red] Processing Speed
[blue] Bloat
The two curves rise together exponentially, with the red "Processing Speed" curve always just above the blue "Bloat" curve. A small bracketed gap between them is labeled "PRODUCTIVITY GAP."
X-axis label: Time
Panel 2 (caption above a second line graph):
OF COURSE... IT'S NOT AS SAD AS THE LAW OF PORNO BLOAT.
Graph legend:
[red] Available hours of porno
[blue] Maximum human lifespan
The red "Available hours of porno" curve rises exponentially above the blue "Maximum human lifespan" curve. The bracketed gap between them is again labeled "PRODUCTIVITY GAP."
X-axis label: Time
Votey:
A man with glasses (speech in a pointed/jagged bubble): WE NEED A NEW TERABYTE DRIVE.
A second man with flame-like hair: WHY?
The first man (emphatic, italic bubble): SHUTUP, THAT'S WHY.
THE LAW OF COMPUTER BLOAT SAYS THAT, NO MATTER HOW FAST A CPU GOES, NEW SOFTWARE WILL HAVE SO MUCH UNNECESSARY CRAP THAT YOUR COMPUTER WILL NEVER RUN AS FAST AS IT COULD.
Graph legend:
[red] Processing Speed
[blue] Bloat
The two curves rise together exponentially, with the red "Processing Speed" curve always just above the blue "Bloat" curve. A small bracketed gap between them is labeled "PRODUCTIVITY GAP."
X-axis label: Time
Panel 2 (caption above a second line graph):
OF COURSE... IT'S NOT AS SAD AS THE LAW OF PORNO BLOAT.
Graph legend:
[red] Available hours of porno
[blue] Maximum human lifespan
The red "Available hours of porno" curve rises exponentially above the blue "Maximum human lifespan" curve. The bracketed gap between them is again labeled "PRODUCTIVITY GAP."
X-axis label: Time
Votey:
A man with glasses (speech in a pointed/jagged bubble): WE NEED A NEW TERABYTE DRIVE.
A second man with flame-like hair: WHY?
The first man (emphatic, italic bubble): SHUTUP, THAT'S WHY.
Alt text
A two-panel SMBC comic about software bloat, each panel a hand-drawn exponential line graph plotting two curves against "Time." Panel one is captioned: "The law of computer bloat says that, no matter how fast a CPU goes, new software will have so much unnecessary crap that your computer will never run as fast as it could." Its red curve (Processing Speed) rises just above its blue curve (Bloat), and the narrow gap between them is bracketed and labeled "Productivity Gap." Panel two is captioned: "Of course... it's not as sad as the law of porno bloat." Here the red curve (Available hours of porno) climbs well above the blue curve (Maximum human lifespan), with the gap between them again labeled "Productivity Gap" — the joke being that porn is now produced faster than any human could ever watch it in a lifetime. Votey: A small black-bordered panel shows a bespectacled man telling another man with flame-like hair, "We need a new terabyte drive." The other asks, "Why?" The first snaps back, "Shutup, that's why."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.