2010-09-01
Original: 2010-09-01 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A man with reddish hair stands at a bathroom paper-towel dispenser, having just used the restroom.
Panel 2: Close on a sink faucet running water, with two soap dispensers on either side. The man's hand is reaching toward it.
Man: WAIT...
Panel 3 (thought):
Man: IF I TOUCH THE SINK HANDLE, I GET WHATEVER GERMS THE LAST GUY HAD.
Panel 4 (thought):
Man: IF I DON'T TOUCH IT, THE ONLY THING I TOUCH DURING THE ENTIRE BATHROOM EXPERIENCE IS MY PENIS.
Panel 5 (thought):
Man: MY PENIS IS WASHED EVERY DAY, THEN PLACED IN A STERILE COTTON CONTAINER. IT'S... IT'S THE CLEANEST PART OF MY BODY.
Panel 6 (thought, his eyes going wide):
Man: MY GOD... THE MOST SANITARY THING TO DO IS NOT TO WASH MY HANDS.
Panel 7: The man, now looking shaken, hands on his chest.
Man: I HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE. BUT... WHERE DO I START?
Panel 8: Caption banner reads SOON... The man stands in a public space (an elevator or hallway, near a men's room sign) gesturing to a crowd of alarmed people.
Man: EVERYONE LOOK! I ONLY TOUCHED MY PENIS!
Votey:
A woman leans over a seated man (drawn loosely in black-and-white) who has his face in his hand, exasperated.
Man: SO YOU SEE-
Woman: WASH YOUR GODDAMN HANDS!
Panel 2: Close on a sink faucet running water, with two soap dispensers on either side. The man's hand is reaching toward it.
Man: WAIT...
Panel 3 (thought):
Man: IF I TOUCH THE SINK HANDLE, I GET WHATEVER GERMS THE LAST GUY HAD.
Panel 4 (thought):
Man: IF I DON'T TOUCH IT, THE ONLY THING I TOUCH DURING THE ENTIRE BATHROOM EXPERIENCE IS MY PENIS.
Panel 5 (thought):
Man: MY PENIS IS WASHED EVERY DAY, THEN PLACED IN A STERILE COTTON CONTAINER. IT'S... IT'S THE CLEANEST PART OF MY BODY.
Panel 6 (thought, his eyes going wide):
Man: MY GOD... THE MOST SANITARY THING TO DO IS NOT TO WASH MY HANDS.
Panel 7: The man, now looking shaken, hands on his chest.
Man: I HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE. BUT... WHERE DO I START?
Panel 8: Caption banner reads SOON... The man stands in a public space (an elevator or hallway, near a men's room sign) gesturing to a crowd of alarmed people.
Man: EVERYONE LOOK! I ONLY TOUCHED MY PENIS!
Votey:
A woman leans over a seated man (drawn loosely in black-and-white) who has his face in his hand, exasperated.
Man: SO YOU SEE-
Woman: WASH YOUR GODDAMN HANDS!
Alt text
An eight-panel comic. A red-haired man finishes using a public restroom and reaches for the sink, then stops: 'Wait...' He reasons through a chain of thoughts. 'If I touch the sink handle, I get whatever germs the last guy had. If I don't touch it, the only thing I touch during the entire bathroom experience is my penis. My penis is washed every day, then placed in a sterile cotton container. It's the cleanest part of my body.' His eyes go wide as he concludes: 'My god... the most sanitary thing to do is NOT to wash my hands.' Shaken, he resolves: 'I have to tell everyone. But... where do I start?' A 'SOON...' banner shows him in a public area gesturing to a horrified crowd, announcing: 'Everyone look! I only touched my penis!' Votey: a woman leans over an exasperated seated man who has his face in his hand. He starts, 'So you see-' and she cuts him off: 'WASH YOUR GODDAMN HANDS!'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.