2010-06-22
Original: 2010-06-22 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: An older man with gray hair stands at a podium, gesturing with a pointer at a whiteboard covered in colorful squiggly scrawl.
Man at podium: "TODAY, WE ANNOUNCE THE DISCOVERY OF IMMORTALITY!"
Panel 2: A view from behind the podium toward an audience of several people.
Audience member: "CAN PEOPLE STILL BE KILLED?"
Man at podium: "..YES. INCIDENTS AND ACCIDENTS ARE STILL POSS-"
Another audience member (interrupting): "WON'T THAT SCREW UP THE SOCIAL FABRIC?"
Panel 3: The man at the podium looks uncertain, glancing back at his squiggly diagram.
Audience member (off-panel): "HOW WOULD IT EVER DO THAT?"
Panel 4: A banner reads "500 YEARS LATER...". Below, a younger woman and an older woman sit together looking at a book of photos (labeled "PHOTOS").
Older woman: "THAT'S GRAMPA JONES. DRIVE-BY SHOOTING. THERE'S AUNT DOUGLAS. FELL OFF A BRIDGE. OH! THERE'S GRAMPA FULTON! INTERNAL BLEEDING AFTER GRAMPA JONES SHOT BACK."
Votey: A close-up of the older woman continuing to look through the photo book.
Older woman: "THERE'S UNCLE WEINER. HE BECAME A CARTOONIST. SO NOW HE'S DEAD TO US."
Man at podium: "TODAY, WE ANNOUNCE THE DISCOVERY OF IMMORTALITY!"
Panel 2: A view from behind the podium toward an audience of several people.
Audience member: "CAN PEOPLE STILL BE KILLED?"
Man at podium: "..YES. INCIDENTS AND ACCIDENTS ARE STILL POSS-"
Another audience member (interrupting): "WON'T THAT SCREW UP THE SOCIAL FABRIC?"
Panel 3: The man at the podium looks uncertain, glancing back at his squiggly diagram.
Audience member (off-panel): "HOW WOULD IT EVER DO THAT?"
Panel 4: A banner reads "500 YEARS LATER...". Below, a younger woman and an older woman sit together looking at a book of photos (labeled "PHOTOS").
Older woman: "THAT'S GRAMPA JONES. DRIVE-BY SHOOTING. THERE'S AUNT DOUGLAS. FELL OFF A BRIDGE. OH! THERE'S GRAMPA FULTON! INTERNAL BLEEDING AFTER GRAMPA JONES SHOT BACK."
Votey: A close-up of the older woman continuing to look through the photo book.
Older woman: "THERE'S UNCLE WEINER. HE BECAME A CARTOONIST. SO NOW HE'S DEAD TO US."
Alt text
A four-panel SMBC comic. Panel 1: a gray-haired man at a podium points to a whiteboard of colorful squiggles and announces, "Today, we announce the discovery of immortality!" Panel 2: from behind the podium, an audience member asks, "Can people still be killed?" The presenter starts, "..Yes. Incidents and accidents are still poss-" and is cut off by another: "Won't that screw up the social fabric?" Panel 3: the presenter looks unsure as someone asks, "How would it ever do that?" Panel 4: a banner reads "500 years later..." and two women page through a photo album. The older one narrates the violent deaths of relatives despite immortality: "That's Grampa Jones. Drive-by shooting. There's Aunt Douglas. Fell off a bridge. Oh! There's Grampa Fulton! Internal bleeding after Grampa Jones shot back" — the joke being that with natural death eliminated, families wage perpetual violence. Votey (aftercomic): the older woman points to another photo and says, "There's Uncle Weiner. He became a cartoonist. So now he's dead to us."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.