2010-02-26
Original: 2010-02-26 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title (top): TWO BAD OPTIONS:
Section banner: WHAT SCIENCE TV IS LIKE:
Panel 1: A bald scientist in a lab coat shouts.
Scientist: THIS... IS... WARRIOR SCIENCE!
Panel 2: The same scientist, now wearing a horned Viking helmet, holds up a large battle axe.
Scientist: A VIKING COULD SWING AN AXE AT TEN THOUSAND MILES PER HOUR!
Panel 3: The scientist gestures dramatically against a backdrop of fiery explosions.
Scientist: ACCORDING TO NEWTON'S LAWS, THAT'S A HUNDRED BILLION GALLONS OF POWER!
Sound effects: BOOM! BOOM!
Panel 4: The scientist cradles a glowing yellow ball (a sun/star) against a starry background.
Scientist: ENOUGH TO MELT THE SUN INTO A STAR!
Section banner: WHAT AN "ACTUAL SCIENCE" TV SHOW WOULD BE LIKE:
Panel 5: The bald scientist stands behind a younger man with curly hair and glasses who is seated at a computer.
Scientist: MONTH THREE OF MODELING TO DETERMINE STATISTICAL SIGNIFICANCE. DOES THE AXE PERFORM AT OR NEAR THE EXPECTED LEVEL?
Panel 6: Close-up of the younger man at the computer.
Younger man: IF MY CALCULATIONS ARE VALID...
Panel 7: The younger man smiles and holds up a small piece of paper.
Younger man: PROBABLY!
Text on paper: 52% CHANCE
Panel 8: A final silent panel. The bald scientist looks deflated/unimpressed while the younger man's face is partly visible at the right.
Votey:
Caption banner: NEXT WEEK...
Title: Leprechaun HUNTER
Image: A man in a fedora and trench coat (detective/hunter style) holds up a small potted four-leaf-clover-like flower, eyeing it.
Section banner: WHAT SCIENCE TV IS LIKE:
Panel 1: A bald scientist in a lab coat shouts.
Scientist: THIS... IS... WARRIOR SCIENCE!
Panel 2: The same scientist, now wearing a horned Viking helmet, holds up a large battle axe.
Scientist: A VIKING COULD SWING AN AXE AT TEN THOUSAND MILES PER HOUR!
Panel 3: The scientist gestures dramatically against a backdrop of fiery explosions.
Scientist: ACCORDING TO NEWTON'S LAWS, THAT'S A HUNDRED BILLION GALLONS OF POWER!
Sound effects: BOOM! BOOM!
Panel 4: The scientist cradles a glowing yellow ball (a sun/star) against a starry background.
Scientist: ENOUGH TO MELT THE SUN INTO A STAR!
Section banner: WHAT AN "ACTUAL SCIENCE" TV SHOW WOULD BE LIKE:
Panel 5: The bald scientist stands behind a younger man with curly hair and glasses who is seated at a computer.
Scientist: MONTH THREE OF MODELING TO DETERMINE STATISTICAL SIGNIFICANCE. DOES THE AXE PERFORM AT OR NEAR THE EXPECTED LEVEL?
Panel 6: Close-up of the younger man at the computer.
Younger man: IF MY CALCULATIONS ARE VALID...
Panel 7: The younger man smiles and holds up a small piece of paper.
Younger man: PROBABLY!
Text on paper: 52% CHANCE
Panel 8: A final silent panel. The bald scientist looks deflated/unimpressed while the younger man's face is partly visible at the right.
Votey:
Caption banner: NEXT WEEK...
Title: Leprechaun HUNTER
Image: A man in a fedora and trench coat (detective/hunter style) holds up a small potted four-leaf-clover-like flower, eyeing it.
Alt text
An SMBC comic titled "TWO BAD OPTIONS" contrasting two styles of science television. The first section, labeled "WHAT SCIENCE TV IS LIKE," shows a bald scientist in a lab coat hamming it up: he yells "THIS... IS... WARRIOR SCIENCE!", then dons a horned Viking helmet and brandishes a battle axe shouting "A VIKING COULD SWING AN AXE AT TEN THOUSAND MILES PER HOUR!" Amid cartoon explosions (BOOM! BOOM!) he declares "ACCORDING TO NEWTON'S LAWS, THAT'S A HUNDRED BILLION GALLONS OF POWER!" and finally cradles a glowing sun, claiming it's "ENOUGH TO MELT THE SUN INTO A STAR!" — all bombastic nonsense. The second section, "WHAT AN 'ACTUAL SCIENCE' TV SHOW WOULD BE LIKE," shows the same scientist standing over a young researcher at a computer, asking "Month three of modeling to determine statistical significance. Does the axe perform at or near the expected level?" The researcher replies "If my calculations are valid... probably!" while holding up a slip of paper reading "52% CHANCE." In the final wordless panel the scientist looks crestfallen at the underwhelming result. The joke: real science is tedious and inconclusive, not explosive spectacle. The votey (a small follow-up panel) reads "NEXT WEEK... Leprechaun HUNTER" and shows a grim man in a fedora and trench coat inspecting a small four-leaf-clover plant he's holding up, as if it were prey.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.