Shenanigans
Original: Shenanigans on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man (bald, glasses, suit jacket over yellow shirt): "Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce a new field of ethics:"
Man: "Shenanigansology."
Panel 2:
Man: "We have all these failed frameworks! Maximize happiness. Make universal rules. Be virtuous. Bah!"
Panel 3:
Man: "Maximizing happiness means killing one guy to save five! Universalizing moral rules means betraying friends to their killers in order to avoid lying! Virtue ethics gives you upstanding people in wicked societies, contributing to overall wickedness!"
Panel 4:
Man (arms spread wide): "Each framework only functions if you add 'and no shenanigans, you know what we mean.'"
Panel 5:
Man: "And yet no branch of philosophy has even attempted to discover the fundamental nature of shenanigans! It is the dark matter of moral philosophy!"
Panel 6 (man at a podium before a seated audience):
Man: "We propose an institute for Shenanigansology, conferring a doctorate in Shenanigans, and public outreach on shenaniganic discoveries!"
Panel 7:
Man: "I'm gonna recast my moral failings as a kind of research and get a PhD in 6 weeks."
Panel 8 (silhouette of the man at the podium, audience in shadow):
Man: "No shenanigans at the Shenanigans Institute!"
Votey:
A close-up of the man's face.
Man: "God put the shenanigans there... for us to discover them."
Man (bald, glasses, suit jacket over yellow shirt): "Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce a new field of ethics:"
Man: "Shenanigansology."
Panel 2:
Man: "We have all these failed frameworks! Maximize happiness. Make universal rules. Be virtuous. Bah!"
Panel 3:
Man: "Maximizing happiness means killing one guy to save five! Universalizing moral rules means betraying friends to their killers in order to avoid lying! Virtue ethics gives you upstanding people in wicked societies, contributing to overall wickedness!"
Panel 4:
Man (arms spread wide): "Each framework only functions if you add 'and no shenanigans, you know what we mean.'"
Panel 5:
Man: "And yet no branch of philosophy has even attempted to discover the fundamental nature of shenanigans! It is the dark matter of moral philosophy!"
Panel 6 (man at a podium before a seated audience):
Man: "We propose an institute for Shenanigansology, conferring a doctorate in Shenanigans, and public outreach on shenaniganic discoveries!"
Panel 7:
Man: "I'm gonna recast my moral failings as a kind of research and get a PhD in 6 weeks."
Panel 8 (silhouette of the man at the podium, audience in shadow):
Man: "No shenanigans at the Shenanigans Institute!"
Votey:
A close-up of the man's face.
Man: "God put the shenanigans there... for us to discover them."
Alt text
An eight-panel comic. A bald man in glasses and a suit jacket announces a new field of ethics called 'Shenanigansology.' He dismisses existing moral frameworks: maximizing happiness means killing one to save five, universalizing rules means betraying friends to killers to avoid lying, and virtue ethics produces upstanding people who still contribute to a wicked society. He declares that each framework only works if you secretly add 'and no shenanigans, you know what we mean,' yet no branch of philosophy has studied the nature of shenanigans, which he calls 'the dark matter of moral philosophy.' Standing at a podium before an audience, he proposes an Institute for Shenanigansology that confers PhDs in Shenanigans, then admits he just wants to recast his own moral failings as research to get a PhD in six weeks. In the final dark panel, his silhouette at the podium proclaims, 'No shenanigans at the Shenanigans Institute!' Votey: a close-up of the man's face as he muses, 'God put the shenanigans there... for us to discover them.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.