Attention span
Original: Attention span on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption): DID YOU THINK ITS BAD NOW OUR ATTENTION SPANS KEEP FALLING BECAUSE EVERYONE IS GLUED TO THEIR PHONES?
Panel 2: A man with flame-like (spiky) hair, gesturing: ATTENTION SPANS ARE LAUGHED THAT'S EVER!
Panel 3 (caption): ATTENTION SPANS HAVE BEEN FALLING SINCE THE FIRST SHADOW PUPPET SHOW IN 50,000 BC.
The man points at a cave wall with shadow figures.
Man: SO YOU MEAN FROM NEARBY VILLAGE WAS MORE FISH THAN YOU ALSO BIGGER HUT, BIGGER WIFE.
Other figure: WOW THIS BETTER THAN INVENT ALPHABET!
Panel 4 (caption): AS TECHNOLOGY AND POPULATION GREW EXPONENTIALLY, ATTENTION DROPPED LIKEWISE.
A line graph labeled ATTENTION SPAN on the vertical axis and TIME on the horizontal axis, the line plunging downward.
Panel 5 (caption): PEOPLE THOUGHT ITD EVENTUALLY GO TO ZERO, BUT ABOUT 20 YEARS AGO IT SIMPLY CROSSED OVER
A large red arrow points downward and off the bottom of the previous graph.
Panel 6: A blond man speaking: THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. HOW CAN IT BE NEGATIVE?
Panel 7: A bald man with glasses explains: ATTENTION SPAN IS THE ABILITY TO ENGAGE DEEPLY WITH WHAT'S VALUABLE. NEGATIVE ATTENTION SPAN IS THE ABILITY TO ENGAGE DEEPLY WITH WHAT IS WORTHLESS.
Blond man: OH GOD.
Panel 8: The bald man with glasses: ONLY NEGATIVE ATTENTION THEORY CAN EXPLAIN THE MODERN WORLD! IF ATTENTION SPANS WERE DEAD THEN HOW COME PEOPLE CAN STARE AT A FIVE-SECOND PIECE OF PLASTIC. ALL NIGHT? HOW ARE THERE POPULAR 4-HOUR PODCASTS ABOUT CRYPTOS AND PSYCHICS TALKING TO THE DEAD?
Panel 9 (caption): WITHIN TEN YEARS, WE WILL HAVE AN ABSOLUTE VALUE OF ATTENTION SPAN TO RIVAL THE PRE-CIVILIZATION DAYS.
The second caption: WE WILL BUILD ENTIRE CIVILIZATIONS ON ELABORATE REACTION VIDEOS TO OTHER CIVILIZATIONS!
Two small figures stand on a hill beneath a flagpole.
Panel 10: The bald man with glasses: MAYBE THIS EXPLAINS THE FERMI PARADOX. MAYBE THEY'RE AVOIDING US BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL SCREEN DETOXING.
Blond man: WE WILL FIND THEM. THEY WILL LIKE THEY WILL ENGAGE, WE WILL BE WORTHWHILE.
Votey: (none)
Panel 2: A man with flame-like (spiky) hair, gesturing: ATTENTION SPANS ARE LAUGHED THAT'S EVER!
Panel 3 (caption): ATTENTION SPANS HAVE BEEN FALLING SINCE THE FIRST SHADOW PUPPET SHOW IN 50,000 BC.
The man points at a cave wall with shadow figures.
Man: SO YOU MEAN FROM NEARBY VILLAGE WAS MORE FISH THAN YOU ALSO BIGGER HUT, BIGGER WIFE.
Other figure: WOW THIS BETTER THAN INVENT ALPHABET!
Panel 4 (caption): AS TECHNOLOGY AND POPULATION GREW EXPONENTIALLY, ATTENTION DROPPED LIKEWISE.
A line graph labeled ATTENTION SPAN on the vertical axis and TIME on the horizontal axis, the line plunging downward.
Panel 5 (caption): PEOPLE THOUGHT ITD EVENTUALLY GO TO ZERO, BUT ABOUT 20 YEARS AGO IT SIMPLY CROSSED OVER
A large red arrow points downward and off the bottom of the previous graph.
Panel 6: A blond man speaking: THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. HOW CAN IT BE NEGATIVE?
Panel 7: A bald man with glasses explains: ATTENTION SPAN IS THE ABILITY TO ENGAGE DEEPLY WITH WHAT'S VALUABLE. NEGATIVE ATTENTION SPAN IS THE ABILITY TO ENGAGE DEEPLY WITH WHAT IS WORTHLESS.
Blond man: OH GOD.
Panel 8: The bald man with glasses: ONLY NEGATIVE ATTENTION THEORY CAN EXPLAIN THE MODERN WORLD! IF ATTENTION SPANS WERE DEAD THEN HOW COME PEOPLE CAN STARE AT A FIVE-SECOND PIECE OF PLASTIC. ALL NIGHT? HOW ARE THERE POPULAR 4-HOUR PODCASTS ABOUT CRYPTOS AND PSYCHICS TALKING TO THE DEAD?
Panel 9 (caption): WITHIN TEN YEARS, WE WILL HAVE AN ABSOLUTE VALUE OF ATTENTION SPAN TO RIVAL THE PRE-CIVILIZATION DAYS.
The second caption: WE WILL BUILD ENTIRE CIVILIZATIONS ON ELABORATE REACTION VIDEOS TO OTHER CIVILIZATIONS!
Two small figures stand on a hill beneath a flagpole.
Panel 10: The bald man with glasses: MAYBE THIS EXPLAINS THE FERMI PARADOX. MAYBE THEY'RE AVOIDING US BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL SCREEN DETOXING.
Blond man: WE WILL FIND THEM. THEY WILL LIKE THEY WILL ENGAGE, WE WILL BE WORTHWHILE.
Votey: (none)
Alt text
A tall SMBC comic riffing on declining attention spans. It opens with a caption asking whether attention spans keep falling because everyone is glued to their phones, and a spiky-haired man insisting spans are the worst they've ever been. A caption claims attention spans have been falling since the first shadow-puppet show in 50,000 BC, shown as a caveman comparing it to news of a bigger hut and bigger wife, while another marvels it beats inventing the alphabet. A line graph titled ATTENTION SPAN versus TIME plunges downward, and a caption says people expected it to hit zero but about twenty years ago it 'crossed over' into negative, illustrated by a giant red arrow shooting off the bottom of the graph. A blond man asks how attention span can be negative; a bald man in glasses explains that attention span is the ability to engage deeply with what's valuable, so negative attention span is the ability to engage deeply with what is worthless. He argues 'negative attention theory' explains the modern world: people staring at five-second clips all night and four-hour podcasts about crypto and psychics talking to the dead. He predicts that within ten years humanity's absolute attention value will rival pre-civilization days, building entire civilizations out of elaborate reaction videos to other civilizations, shown as two tiny figures by a flagpole. In the final panel he muses this may explain the Fermi paradox: aliens avoid us because they're all screen-detoxing. The blond man vows we will find them, they will engage, we will be worthwhile. There is no votey.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.