Measurement
Original: Measurement on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A woman with long dark hair, gesturing emphatically, recites an enormous alphabetical list of country names. The list (spanning several columns/panels of her speech) reads roughly: Austria, Azerbaijan, Bahamas, Bahrain, Bangladesh, Barbados, Belarus, Belgium, Belize, Benin, Bhutan, Bolivia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Botswana, Brazil, Brunei, Bulgaria, Burkina Faso, Burundi, Cabo Verde, Cambodia, Cameroon, Canada, Central African Republic, Chad, Chile, China, Colombia, Comoros, Congo (Republic of the Congo), Democratic Republic of the Congo, Costa Rica, Cote d'Ivoire, Croatia, Cuba, Cyprus, Czechia, Denmark, Djibouti, Dominica, Dominican Republic, Ecuador, Egypt, El Salvador, Equatorial Guinea, Eritrea, Estonia, Eswatini, Ethiopia, Fiji, Finland, France, Gabon, Gambia, Georgia, Germany, Ghana, Greece, Grenada, Guatemala, Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, Guyana, Haiti, Honduras, Hungary, Iceland, India, Indonesia, Iran, Iraq, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Jamaica, Japan, Jordan, Kazakhstan, Kenya, Kiribati, Kosovo, Kuwait, Kyrgyzstan, Laos, Latvia, Lebanon, Lesotho, Liberia, Libya, Liechtenstein, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Madagascar, Malawi, Malaysia, Maldives, Mali, Malta, Marshall Islands, Mauritania, Mauritius, Mexico, Micronesia, Moldova, Monaco, Mongolia, Montenegro, Morocco, Mozambique, Myanmar, Namibia, Nauru, Nepal, Netherlands, New Zealand, Nicaragua, Niger, Nigeria, North Korea, North Macedonia, Norway, Oman, Pakistan, Palau, Panama, Papua New Guinea, Paraguay, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Qatar, Romania, Russia, Rwanda, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Samoa, San Marino, Sao Tome and Principe, Saudi Arabia, Senegal, Serbia, Seychelles, Sierra Leone, Singapore, Slovakia, Slovenia, Solomon Islands, Somalia, South Africa, South Korea, South Sudan, Spain, Sri Lanka, Sudan, Suriname, Sweden, Switzerland, Syria, Tajikistan, Tanzania, Thailand, Timor-Leste, Togo, Tonga, Trinidad and Tobago, Tunisia, Turkey, Turkmenistan, Tuvalu, Uganda, Ukraine, United Arab Emirates...
Panel (continuing): "...United Kingdom, Uruguay, Uzbekistan, Vanuatu, Vatican City, Venezuela, Vietnam, Yemen, Zambia, Zimbabwe, OR, IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE LANDFALL ON ANY OF THOSE, A PLANET, MOON, ASTEROID, OR PIECE OF SPACE DEBRIS, VENUS, OR ASTEROID..."
Next panel: "WE HAVE THEREFORE SWITCHED TO AMERICA-VECTORIZED UNITS, IN WHICH ALL UNITS OF LENGTH ARE IN REFERENCE TO THE MAGNITUDE AND DIRECTION OF THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT!"
A small diagram shows a globe-like circle labeled "America" with a tiny arrow.
Next panel: "IN ORDER TO CALCULATE YOUR HEIGHT, YOU MUST DETERMINE WHAT FRACTION OF THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT IT WOULD BE IF YOU WERE STANDING UNDER IT, THEN MULTIPLY BY THE COSINE OF YOUR ANGLE WITH THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT!"
The "America" diagram is shown again, now annotated with "x cos(France)".
Next panel: "YOU EUROPEANS DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO DIVIDE 16 BY 75 OF SAMPLE? JUST TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT? WELL NOW YOU HAVE TO DO TRIGONOMETRY EVERY TIME YOU WALK BELOW A SOLDIER! BWA-HA-HA-HA!"
Next panel: "WILL ALL AGENCIES BE SWITCHING OVER?"
Reply: "YEAH! ABSOLUTELY! WASHINGTON IS ALREADY 100 AMERICA-DEG."
Final panel: a caption reads (paraphrase) "GET THE FREQUENCY OF DISASTERS" / a sound effect: "BOOM!"
Votey: (none)
Panel (continuing): "...United Kingdom, Uruguay, Uzbekistan, Vanuatu, Vatican City, Venezuela, Vietnam, Yemen, Zambia, Zimbabwe, OR, IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE LANDFALL ON ANY OF THOSE, A PLANET, MOON, ASTEROID, OR PIECE OF SPACE DEBRIS, VENUS, OR ASTEROID..."
Next panel: "WE HAVE THEREFORE SWITCHED TO AMERICA-VECTORIZED UNITS, IN WHICH ALL UNITS OF LENGTH ARE IN REFERENCE TO THE MAGNITUDE AND DIRECTION OF THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT!"
A small diagram shows a globe-like circle labeled "America" with a tiny arrow.
Next panel: "IN ORDER TO CALCULATE YOUR HEIGHT, YOU MUST DETERMINE WHAT FRACTION OF THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT IT WOULD BE IF YOU WERE STANDING UNDER IT, THEN MULTIPLY BY THE COSINE OF YOUR ANGLE WITH THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT!"
The "America" diagram is shown again, now annotated with "x cos(France)".
Next panel: "YOU EUROPEANS DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO DIVIDE 16 BY 75 OF SAMPLE? JUST TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT? WELL NOW YOU HAVE TO DO TRIGONOMETRY EVERY TIME YOU WALK BELOW A SOLDIER! BWA-HA-HA-HA!"
Next panel: "WILL ALL AGENCIES BE SWITCHING OVER?"
Reply: "YEAH! ABSOLUTELY! WASHINGTON IS ALREADY 100 AMERICA-DEG."
Final panel: a caption reads (paraphrase) "GET THE FREQUENCY OF DISASTERS" / a sound effect: "BOOM!"
Votey: (none)
Alt text
A long vertical SMBC comic. A woman with long dark hair stands gesturing and reads out an enormous alphabetical list of nearly every country in the world (Austria, Azerbaijan, Bahamas... all the way through Zimbabwe, plus add-ons like a planet, moon, asteroid, or piece of space debris). She then announces that 'we' have therefore switched to America-vectorized units, in which all units of length are measured in reference to the magnitude and direction of the Washington Monument. A small diagram shows a globe labeled 'America' with a tiny arrow, later annotated 'x cos(France)'. She explains that to calculate your height you must determine what fraction of the Washington Monument it would be if you stood under it, then multiply by the cosine of your angle with the monument. Grinning maniacally, she taunts Europeans that now they must do trigonometry every time they walk below a soldier ('BWA-HA-HA-HA!'). Asked whether all agencies will switch over, another character replies that Washington is already 100 America-degrees. The strip ends with a panel and a loud 'BOOM!' sound effect. The joke skewers the absurdity and chauvinism of America inventing a deliberately convoluted, self-centered unit system. There is no votey.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.