Fish
Original: Fish on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
A man with a brown beard stands on a riverbank with his arms spread. A golden fish leaps out of the water.
Fish: I AM A MAGICAL FISH! FOR SAVING ME, I GRANT YOU ONE WISH!
Panel 2:
Close-up on the bearded man.
Man: I WANT A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN TO MAKE LOVE TO ME ALL NIGHT.
Panel 3:
The golden fish swims in the river.
Fish: ALL RIGHT, BUT I BELIEVE IN CONSENT. I WILL FIND YOU A WOMAN FROM THE SUBSET OF WOMEN WHO WILL HAVE ANONYMOUS SEX WITH A STRANGER IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE A MAGIC FISH SUGGESTED IT.
Panel 4:
The fish's open mouth in the foreground; a blonde woman in a purple top and pink shorts stands behind, looking uneasy.
Fish (off-panel speaker, first bubble): I DON'T KNOW IF—
Fish: MEET PRISCILLA!
Panel 5:
Close-up on the blonde woman, looking alarmed and gritting her teeth.
Woman (Priscilla): TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS! MAGIC FISH SAYS IT'S GO TIME.
Panel 6:
The bearded man on the left looks at the blonde woman on the right, who holds up a knife and uses it to pick her teeth.
Man: ARE YOU PICKING YOUR TEETH WITH A KNIFE?
Woman (Priscilla): MAGIC FISH DIDN'T SAY I COULDN'T!
Votey:
A simple black-and-white drawing of the blonde woman's angry, snarling face.
Woman (Priscilla): MAGIC FISH SAYS NO CONDOM!
A man with a brown beard stands on a riverbank with his arms spread. A golden fish leaps out of the water.
Fish: I AM A MAGICAL FISH! FOR SAVING ME, I GRANT YOU ONE WISH!
Panel 2:
Close-up on the bearded man.
Man: I WANT A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN TO MAKE LOVE TO ME ALL NIGHT.
Panel 3:
The golden fish swims in the river.
Fish: ALL RIGHT, BUT I BELIEVE IN CONSENT. I WILL FIND YOU A WOMAN FROM THE SUBSET OF WOMEN WHO WILL HAVE ANONYMOUS SEX WITH A STRANGER IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE A MAGIC FISH SUGGESTED IT.
Panel 4:
The fish's open mouth in the foreground; a blonde woman in a purple top and pink shorts stands behind, looking uneasy.
Fish (off-panel speaker, first bubble): I DON'T KNOW IF—
Fish: MEET PRISCILLA!
Panel 5:
Close-up on the blonde woman, looking alarmed and gritting her teeth.
Woman (Priscilla): TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS! MAGIC FISH SAYS IT'S GO TIME.
Panel 6:
The bearded man on the left looks at the blonde woman on the right, who holds up a knife and uses it to pick her teeth.
Man: ARE YOU PICKING YOUR TEETH WITH A KNIFE?
Woman (Priscilla): MAGIC FISH DIDN'T SAY I COULDN'T!
Votey:
A simple black-and-white drawing of the blonde woman's angry, snarling face.
Woman (Priscilla): MAGIC FISH SAYS NO CONDOM!
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. Panel 1: a bearded man on a riverbank spreads his arms as a golden fish leaps from the water and says, "I am a magical fish! For saving me, I grant you one wish!" Panel 2: the man says, "I want a beautiful woman to make love to me all night." Panel 3: the fish, swimming, replies, "All right, but I believe in consent. I will find you a woman from the subset of women who will have anonymous sex with a stranger immediately because a magic fish suggested it." Panel 4: the fish's gaping mouth fills the foreground while an uneasy blonde woman in a purple top stands behind; she starts "I don't know if—" and the fish announces "Meet Priscilla!" Panel 5: the blonde woman, now wild-eyed and snarling, demands, "Take off your pants! Magic fish says it's go time." Panel 6: the man, alarmed, asks, "Are you picking your teeth with a knife?" and the woman, holding a knife to her mouth, replies, "Magic fish didn't say I couldn't!" The joke: granting the wish through strict consent logic produces a terrifyingly literal-minded partner. Votey: a rough black-and-white close-up of the blonde woman's furious snarling face as she declares, "Magic fish says no condom!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.