monolith-2
Original: monolith-2 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man (listener): EVOLUTION. HOW DID HUMANS GET SO INTELLIGENT?
Narrator/speaker (offscreen voice answering): I WILL TELL YOU THE TALE.
Panel 2:
Narration: ONCE, WHERE PRIMATES ROAMED THE EARTH, A GREAT BLACK MONOLITH CAME.
(Visual: a tall black monolith on a hill, two small primate figures nearby.)
Panel 3:
Narration: ITS ALIEN TECHNOLOGY SELECTED THE WISEST CREATURES AND GAVE THEM THE KNOWLEDGE TO BUILD A BETTER WORLD.
Panel 4:
Narration: THOSE WERE... THE NEANDERTHALS.
(Visual: two red-haired Neanderthals.)
Panel 5:
Narration: THEY BUILT TOWERS AND CITIES IN HARMONY, WHOSE GENERAL SHININESS ATTRACTED HUMANS.
Panel 6:
Narration: IN ORDER TO DECEIVE, MURDER, AND KIDNAP NEANDERTHALS, HUMANS EVOLVED BRAINS THAT WERE JUST BIG ENOUGH FOR LANGUAGE, BUT NOT BIG ENOUGH TO TURN THEM AGAINST VIOLENCE.
(Visual: human figures menacing/grabbing a Neanderthal.)
Panel 7:
(Visual: close-up of humans shouting/attacking, no text.)
Panel 8:
Man (listener): WOW. I FIGURED IT WAS SOMETHING ABOUT TOOL USE.
Narrator's voice (green dripping text bubble): NOW YOU ALSO KNOW WHY ALIENS NEVER VISIT!
Votey:
(Caption): (FINALLY A COMIC WHERE THE REDHEADS ARE THE GOOD GUYS)
Man (listener): EVOLUTION. HOW DID HUMANS GET SO INTELLIGENT?
Narrator/speaker (offscreen voice answering): I WILL TELL YOU THE TALE.
Panel 2:
Narration: ONCE, WHERE PRIMATES ROAMED THE EARTH, A GREAT BLACK MONOLITH CAME.
(Visual: a tall black monolith on a hill, two small primate figures nearby.)
Panel 3:
Narration: ITS ALIEN TECHNOLOGY SELECTED THE WISEST CREATURES AND GAVE THEM THE KNOWLEDGE TO BUILD A BETTER WORLD.
Panel 4:
Narration: THOSE WERE... THE NEANDERTHALS.
(Visual: two red-haired Neanderthals.)
Panel 5:
Narration: THEY BUILT TOWERS AND CITIES IN HARMONY, WHOSE GENERAL SHININESS ATTRACTED HUMANS.
Panel 6:
Narration: IN ORDER TO DECEIVE, MURDER, AND KIDNAP NEANDERTHALS, HUMANS EVOLVED BRAINS THAT WERE JUST BIG ENOUGH FOR LANGUAGE, BUT NOT BIG ENOUGH TO TURN THEM AGAINST VIOLENCE.
(Visual: human figures menacing/grabbing a Neanderthal.)
Panel 7:
(Visual: close-up of humans shouting/attacking, no text.)
Panel 8:
Man (listener): WOW. I FIGURED IT WAS SOMETHING ABOUT TOOL USE.
Narrator's voice (green dripping text bubble): NOW YOU ALSO KNOW WHY ALIENS NEVER VISIT!
Votey:
(Caption): (FINALLY A COMIC WHERE THE REDHEADS ARE THE GOOD GUYS)
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic. A man asks, "Evolution. How did humans get so intelligent?" A voice answers, "I will tell you the tale." The tale: long ago a great black monolith appeared where primates roamed; its alien technology selected the wisest creatures and gave them knowledge to build a better world. Those creatures were the Neanderthals (drawn as red-haired people), who built shining towers and cities that attracted humans. To deceive, murder, and kidnap the Neanderthals, humans evolved brains just big enough for language but not big enough to turn them against violence; panels show humans menacing and shouting at a Neanderthal. The listening man replies, "Wow. I figured it was something about tool use." The dripping green voice concludes, "Now you also know why aliens never visit!" Votey: a handwritten caption in a wobbly box reads, "(Finally a comic where the redheads are the good guys)."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.