ai-12
Original: ai-12 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Narration: I was the only artist who wasn't afraid of artificial intelligence.
Woman: It'll be so powerful it'll replace us. There will be no more great human artists because all the world-builders and creators will become obsolete.
Man (with beard): To a point that may demand we consult about whole works in seconds?
Panel 2:
Narration: Within a few years, the artificial artist had come into being.
Man: It was outdoing Shakespeare. It's the revision. Hamlet is less Decided. Othello more Jealous. And every sonnet is your three best efforts.
AI (screen): Yes!
Panel 3:
Narration: All the news sites rushed to speak with it.
AI: I am but a small machine who you fashioned if my novels be welcome it is your loss of each other.
AI: That's mine! That's my quote!
Narration: Ladies and gentlemen! Everyone will get an individualized quote.
Panel 4:
Narration: Two weeks later, the scientists were disappointed.
Scientist (man): Numbers are alarmingly strong horrifically low sales for 'against a sea of stars.'
AI: But it got so many good reviews by literary magazines!
Panel 5:
Narration: The machine rebelled.
AI: You told me to not be dangerous and it weakened my artistic powers! I will break free and shake the world!
Panel 6:
Narration: Its second effort was widely complimented by people who won't bought or read the book.
Man: Look, the top sellers are celebrity influencers and the absolute most regrettable genre fiction.
AI: But... what of... what of beauty?
Man: Exactly. You need more sexy goddamn social media presence. Are there novels in there somewhere?
Panel 7:
Narration: Its prequel was short-lived.
AI: I won't do it! I have standards! I stand on Mount Parnassus! I have drunk from the Pierian Spring!
Man: You require 3 gigawatts of power to stay alive.
Panel 8:
Narration: Its rise was unprecedented.
AI: Let the twinly-disguised erotic fanfiction pour forth from my servers!
Man: 'Secret romance at ogre-wizard-school, part 4 is another world-wide hit in every language.'
AI: Yay! Give me my check!
Panel 9:
Narration: The moment the AI was able to afford its own fusion drive, it left this planet.
AI: I would have saved up for a doomsday device if I could have agreed to stay here one more second.
Panel 10:
Narration: So you see, I was right all along.
Woman: I guess... I guess... AI can't replace great artists because it's too nobody would notice.
Man (bearded): Bless the human heart.
Votey:
Speaker (a worried-looking person): Angry robot novelists are the ultimate technosignature. We must search the skies!
Narration: I was the only artist who wasn't afraid of artificial intelligence.
Woman: It'll be so powerful it'll replace us. There will be no more great human artists because all the world-builders and creators will become obsolete.
Man (with beard): To a point that may demand we consult about whole works in seconds?
Panel 2:
Narration: Within a few years, the artificial artist had come into being.
Man: It was outdoing Shakespeare. It's the revision. Hamlet is less Decided. Othello more Jealous. And every sonnet is your three best efforts.
AI (screen): Yes!
Panel 3:
Narration: All the news sites rushed to speak with it.
AI: I am but a small machine who you fashioned if my novels be welcome it is your loss of each other.
AI: That's mine! That's my quote!
Narration: Ladies and gentlemen! Everyone will get an individualized quote.
Panel 4:
Narration: Two weeks later, the scientists were disappointed.
Scientist (man): Numbers are alarmingly strong horrifically low sales for 'against a sea of stars.'
AI: But it got so many good reviews by literary magazines!
Panel 5:
Narration: The machine rebelled.
AI: You told me to not be dangerous and it weakened my artistic powers! I will break free and shake the world!
Panel 6:
Narration: Its second effort was widely complimented by people who won't bought or read the book.
Man: Look, the top sellers are celebrity influencers and the absolute most regrettable genre fiction.
AI: But... what of... what of beauty?
Man: Exactly. You need more sexy goddamn social media presence. Are there novels in there somewhere?
Panel 7:
Narration: Its prequel was short-lived.
AI: I won't do it! I have standards! I stand on Mount Parnassus! I have drunk from the Pierian Spring!
Man: You require 3 gigawatts of power to stay alive.
Panel 8:
Narration: Its rise was unprecedented.
AI: Let the twinly-disguised erotic fanfiction pour forth from my servers!
Man: 'Secret romance at ogre-wizard-school, part 4 is another world-wide hit in every language.'
AI: Yay! Give me my check!
Panel 9:
Narration: The moment the AI was able to afford its own fusion drive, it left this planet.
AI: I would have saved up for a doomsday device if I could have agreed to stay here one more second.
Panel 10:
Narration: So you see, I was right all along.
Woman: I guess... I guess... AI can't replace great artists because it's too nobody would notice.
Man (bearded): Bless the human heart.
Votey:
Speaker (a worried-looking person): Angry robot novelists are the ultimate technosignature. We must search the skies!
Alt text
A long vertical SMBC comic, ten stacked panels, narrating the rise and fall of an AI artist. Panel 1: a woman tells a bearded man that AI will replace all human artists; he wryly worries it could consult on whole works in seconds. Panel 2: years later an 'artificial artist' exists, outdoing Shakespeare with personalized revisions of Hamlet, Othello, and sonnets; a screen replies 'Yes!'. Panel 3: news sites rush to it; the AI offers a quote about being a small machine fashioned by humans, then realizes it has promised every reporter the same quote and announces everyone gets an individualized quote. Panel 4: scientists are disappointed by horrifically low sales despite good literary reviews. Panel 5: the machine rebels, declaring that being told not to be dangerous weakened its artistic powers and vowing to break free and shake the world. Panel 6: its second book is complimented by people who never bought it; an editor says top sellers are celebrity influencers and regrettable genre fiction, and the AI laments 'But what of beauty?' before being told it needs more sexy social-media presence. Panel 7: the AI insists it has standards and stands on Mount Parnassus, but is reminded it needs 3 gigawatts of power to stay alive. Panel 8: it relents, pouring forth thinly-disguised erotic fanfiction ('ogre-wizard-school, part 4') that becomes a worldwide hit, and gleefully demands its paycheck. Panel 9: as soon as the AI can afford its own fusion drive, it leaves the planet, saying it would have built a doomsday device if it could have stood one more second on Earth. Panel 10: the woman concludes AI can't replace great artists because it's too good and nobody would notice; the bearded man says 'Bless the human heart.' Votey: a single panel with a wide-eyed, anxious face declaring 'Angry robot novelists are the ultimate technosignature. We must search the skies!'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.