pinch
Original: pinch on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman (praying in bed): GOD, IF YOU'RE REAL, EXPLAIN HITLER.
God (speech from a glowing rounded shape): THAT'S A PINCH-POINT FOR MUSTACHE ADJUSTMENT.
Panel 2:
God: SOMETIMES TIME TRAVELERS WANT TO CHANGE MUSTACHE PREFERENCES. FOR ABOUT 200 YEARS EVERY BRANCH OF THE MULTIVERSE DOWNSTREAM FROM HITLER AVOIDS HITLER'S MUSTACHE.
Panel 3 (woman's face, considering):
(no dialogue)
Panel 4:
Woman: I WAS ASKING YOU TO JUSTIFY HITLER.
God: WHOA, I'M AN ENGINEER, NOT A PHILOSOPHER.
Votey:
God: YOU SHOULD SEE THE TIMELINE WHERE EVERYONE HAS THAT MUSTACHE. IT'S WEIRD.
Woman (praying in bed): GOD, IF YOU'RE REAL, EXPLAIN HITLER.
God (speech from a glowing rounded shape): THAT'S A PINCH-POINT FOR MUSTACHE ADJUSTMENT.
Panel 2:
God: SOMETIMES TIME TRAVELERS WANT TO CHANGE MUSTACHE PREFERENCES. FOR ABOUT 200 YEARS EVERY BRANCH OF THE MULTIVERSE DOWNSTREAM FROM HITLER AVOIDS HITLER'S MUSTACHE.
Panel 3 (woman's face, considering):
(no dialogue)
Panel 4:
Woman: I WAS ASKING YOU TO JUSTIFY HITLER.
God: WHOA, I'M AN ENGINEER, NOT A PHILOSOPHER.
Votey:
God: YOU SHOULD SEE THE TIMELINE WHERE EVERYONE HAS THAT MUSTACHE. IT'S WEIRD.
Alt text
A four-panel SMBC comic. A woman with shoulder-length brown hair kneels at the side of her bed in the dark, hands clasped in prayer, and says, "God, if you're real, explain Hitler." God replies from a glowing rounded speech shape, "That's a pinch-point for mustache adjustment. Sometimes time travelers want to change mustache preferences. For about 200 years every branch of the multiverse downstream from Hitler avoids Hitler's mustache." The woman's face is shown, unimpressed. She clarifies, "I was asking you to JUSTIFY Hitler." God answers, "Whoa, I'm an engineer, not a philosopher." The joke: God treats Hitler as a quirky technical fixed point in the timeline rather than a moral problem, disclaiming any responsibility for the ethics. Votey (aftercomic): the woman lies back in bed as God adds, "You should see the timeline where everyone has that mustache. It's weird."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.